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harsh criticism from husband in front of children

i'm a mom of 4, age 47, and my husband is 50. Married 25 yrs. But what is increasingly hurtful to me is that he often insults, criticizes, and berates me in front of the children, for any manner of things that i supposedly do wrong. He speaks to me like I'm 5.

i.e. He knew that today we had to make a decision re moving furniture. i waited til noon for him to wake up, + 2 hrs for him to read the paper and have computer time, then asked him if he could come now, and he came and yelled at me in front of our 13 yr old daughter that I "constantly interrupt him" and that i was "keeping him away from his computer" (i don't -- he has hrs of "playtime" on the computer daily and i don't say a thing). so today for the first time, i stood up for myself and asked him 'not to rip me apart' in front of the children. I feel bad about doing that. :(

He could save his criticism for when we're alone. Am i right in feeling hurt?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Aug. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • yes you are right.... sorry you have a hubby that does that. it makes it so tuff for children to hear.
    anabele

    Answer by anabele at 5:35 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • yes... and just to be clear, if my dh verbally abused me in front of my kids, or at all, i'd be calling him ex
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 5:36 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Oh, wow. You have taken 25 years of this? You are way beyond being right in feeling hurt. I would have been ripping him a new one, in private, over this about 24 years ago.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:36 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Of course you're right! He shouldn't be critizing you at all and definitely not in front of the kids!
    fairyinabubble

    Answer by fairyinabubble at 5:36 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • oh, and I'd be reminding him very nicely in front of the children about it if he forgot and did it again.

    This is not teaching your children how to act in a relationship.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:37 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I went through this for 12 yrs when I was married. Its disrespectfull. Stand your ground.
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 5:42 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • You did the right thing in standing up for yourself. Maybe now, he'll think twice before he has something negative to say to you in front of the children. Its a simple lesson we learn as children..if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. As an adult, he can hold it in for later..if it was something that was really important, he'll remember to tell you later..if it was something childish and a stupid nagging comment, chances are..he won't even rememeber what it was he even wanted to say if he has to wait in saying it. Don't feel bad for standing up for yourself, you've done nothign wrong. You deserve respect just as he does! Good Luck and hang in there!
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 5:42 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • You shouldn't feel bad about standing up for yourself in front of your kids. You're giving them a good lesson...you won't tolerate being spoken to in that way and in turn it teaches your kids to speak to and treat you with respect. Proud of you! :)
    lizard111

    Answer by lizard111 at 5:45 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • thats not right to do to you or your children.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:45 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • you shouldn't let any1 talk to you like that. and you def should not have to tolerate it from your husband. stick to your ground. you need to let him know that your children will and/or can turn out to be just a verbally abusive as he is, good luck! stay strong!
    steph_parker

    Answer by steph_parker at 5:49 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

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