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Is it still cheating?

My friend just called me she found out last night her bf slept with another girl Friday night. They were on break, but had plans to go out last night(sat) and try to work things out. She went through his text messages cause she felt something was wrong and found the messages about it. she confronted him and he told her about it, it is someone he works with. So since they were on "break" is it still considered cheating? I feel so bad for her. They have been together for over 5yrs.

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Asked by luvmybaby at 1:38 PM on Jun. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Yes. Unless there was a legal breakup, they are still considered together. Unless she doesn't find a problem with it, then to each his own.

    Answer by hotmama404 at 1:42 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • That's iffy. Did they say when they went on a break that they weren't going to see other people? Sometimes a break is just that, a break from one another for a little bit. Sometimes the couple agrees that they won't see other people durring that time. Sometimes they agree that they will. Unforunatly most of the time the couple doesn't state anything either way. Each person takes it to mean something different and then this happens.

    That said, however, if he slept with this other woman KNOWING that the next night he and the woman he was on a break with were going to be getting back together...or at least trying to...then it's just as bad as if he cheated regardless of whether or not they had agreed to see other people.

    Answer by amethystrse at 1:56 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • If I understand correctly your friend has an ex that she dated (perhaps on and off) for 5 yrs. He wants to get back together but did have relationships prior, but not during while they together. How long should she have on her ex when she is broken up? When confronted was he up front and honest? Maybe it took a shallow relationship to make him realize he needs her in her life. If you want accountibility you need a commitment.

    Answer by h3art2h0m3 at 2:03 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • They did break up off and on through out the past 5yrs, although the break ups only lasted 1-2days usually only a few hours. They had only been on a break for 1 day when he slept with the other girl. He was upfront about it, but he couldnt exactly deny anything after the messages.

    Answer by luvmybaby at 2:13 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • If it happened to me, I would consider it cheating. How devistating! At least he was honest about it. If he concealed it from her completely it would definitely qualify as cheating.

    Answer by marykimvr at 3:36 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • If she knew they were on a break and planning to work things out then that leads me to believe it was open season and I'm sure he thought the same thing. I do not think he intentionally cheated. I think it does give rise to the need for clear communication. Next time they take a break someone needs to define that word. This is a great learning experience for the both of them. They can grow from it or they can let it tear the relationship apart but if they work it out they need to set boundaries in the relationship and be clear about 'breaks'.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:10 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • As sucky as it sounds they weren't together so its not cheating. Its in her right to feel hurt too. She deff shouldn't have been looking through his phone that is a major violation of trust. Clearly there relationship is troubled to be on a break.

    Answer by mca_parkers at 5:01 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • They were on a break, so no I don't consider it cheating. She would have had full reign to be with someone else as well. A break = not dating. Sure they had plans on going out, but just because you have plans to see someone doesn't mean that you're dating them or that them seeing someone else is cheating. If they were married and on a trial separation that would be different, but they were on and off again dating.

    Answer by MamaPyratekk at 9:06 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • If they were on a break and were not married, no. I don't see it as cheating. If they were going to try to work on things I see it as WRONG, but not cheating.

    Answer by MissMaranda at 10:12 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Yes, it's cheating. It just shows he is not serious about your friend. A 1 day break is not a break. If it had happened after a month or so, I'd probably say, it's ok. Did he take the break to have sex with another woman? What happened during those other breaks? Did he have sex, and got lucky because she didn't find out? How would HE feel if your friend had sex with someone the next day? I'm sure he wouldn't be happy. Yes, it's cheating.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

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