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2 Bumps

If your friends are mooches....

Our friends drive two hours to see us. We both have four kids each. We have one boy and three girls, then have three boys one girl. We were all friends in high school, but they don't discipline their kids at all, whereas my husband and I work hard to keep our home tidy and our kids respectful. Their kids tear through our home like its a damn jungle gym, they've broken expenzive toys, even my son's bed when he was little and never apologize or offer to replace the broken items. It's been four years and they've only gotten worse. They come stay a weekend un invited, then never offer to bring groceries or help cook or clean. They don't even serve their kids' plate at dinner time or demand they sit quietly at the table the way ours do.... Should I just tell them to stop coming around? How should we handle this? We never go to their house either. So it's always us footing the bill for our time spent together...

 
KariLyn84

Asked by KariLyn84 at 7:20 PM on Aug. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,371 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Personally they do not sound like very considerate friends. If it were me I would be very tempted to either dump them as friends, or tell them that any future visits will be done at a public place-- for the day only.
    I do suggest you talk to them and set 'ground rules' for their visits-- (examples)
    #1 -no more 'dropping in' uninvited any visits have to be planned with us ahead of time
    #2- we are not running a free hotel with maid service and free food-- if you want to stay in our house you will help out with the house and with meals-- if you don't like that then stay at a hotel
    #3- we expect your kids to behave and follow our house rules-- if they can't behave they will not be welcome back here again
    #4- you break it you buy it-- if your kids break any more of our things we will give you a bill. We are sick and tired of your kids destroying our things
    Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 7:37 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • then they are not friends - they are users. Make it clear your home is no longer open for their uninvited visits.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 7:27 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • These are not people that I would call friends.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:28 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Sounds like they are not someone you want to have as friends. Either talk to them about it honestly and not worry about hurt feelings or just tell them you don't wanna be friends anymore.
    Peekalou

    Answer by Peekalou at 7:28 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I had a friend like that too...she was a very close friend growing up we spent many years together..... she didn't control her two children at all....they would rip my house apart...one time her daughter was eating cake...and it fell all over the floor and the little girl crushed it into my carpet with her feet.... the mom ignored it................they would stay alllllllllllllllll day long. I soon was too busy for company.
    Cochise

    Answer by Cochise at 7:28 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Perhaps you can tell them that next time you all get together let's make it at a zoo or picnic at a park or someplace in between. And after that say getting together at your place isn't working out well since the children don't get along very well, how about if you as couples get together at a restaurant in between. The uninvited thing, though... I guess simply tell them that you'll need them to call and see if the weekend is free. You could even have a plan for when they show up at the door- that oh gosh too bad but you all were going out that night, or weekend.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:37 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I think if I saw them coming I'd grab my kids and run out the door, telling them you were just leaving... lock the door behind me and leave!! Then not go back home until they have left!! LOL
    I guess that's not to nice... so really I think MizLee hit the nail on the head... that sound about right!! Good luck! ;o)

    Morgain

    Answer by Morgain at 7:51 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I like the meeting in between idea. And make it clear that you think that would work best from now on. Or if there is not such a place then do a day trip with them to a park, etc. Be prepared to lose them as friends. They are using you big time. Good luck with whatever you try.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:45 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Drop em! I have had so called friends like that in the past... Kids who are home wreckers who have no respect and the parents ponning their children off on me so they can kick back and relax... It turned out to be a complete mess in the end, quit while your ahead. They will only get worse.It would take days for me to get my son back in line after they were around. Real friends are not like that,they will have respect for you, your husband and the things you guys busted your butt to have. Real friends don't show up unexpected, most people who have respect will call first. And would replace things that got broken or atleast try to make it even, and aplogize for the actions of their children. Real friends will chip in too.
    BobbieJo286

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 10:31 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • They sound like leeches. I really could not put up with people who are careless about their own children. Unruly children like that do not have parents that take the time to properly discipline them a lot of times. The fact that you always foot the bill tells me they're using you and you guys should never ever let them drop by on you. Set boundaries if you must keep them as friends. But also consider ending the friendship with them because people like that are not worth being around. What lesson does it teach your kids to associate with people like that anyway? I'm sure you can find better quality friends in the future. But being alone is better then accepting crap.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 11:18 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

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