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my son doesnt like his hair...what can I do to help him gain confidence?

lately every time I brush my son's hair he gets really sad and says "I don't like my hair" I ask why and he says "because I just don't like it!"... today I sat down with him and tried to let him know how beautiful his hair is, especially when he is in the sun.. I told him that his hair shines like the sun when he is outside. He wants white hair... that is what he said. I tried to describe that his blond hair is a mixture of yellow and white hair (his favorite color is yellow)..he got really happy for a while.. I went to brush it again and he got really sad..because he cant stand his hair. I hate to think my son at 4 years old is self conscious.. this saddens me.. I feel like I may have done something wrong to make him not like himself at so young of an age. I always tell him he is a very good looking boy and he is very handsome. What can I do to help him like his hair and gain confidence in his own body?

Answer Question

Asked by midnight11287 at 11:43 PM on Aug. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 12 (870 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • At 4 it is just a phase just keep building him up he'll be fine. he sounds handsome ;)
    Any pics....???

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 11:46 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Just keep telling him and have others tell him. My neice has red hair and she hates it too she says she wants to dye it all the time and we tell her she is crazy that people would KILL for her color because it doesnt come bottled! its a really pretty red with blonde highlights, sad part is it doesnt she is 11 going on 25 so that could be some of it. maybe find his favorite actor or cartoon and show him they have the same hair (if they do) or show him a boy that all the girls are crazy over and show him that other people like it! Hope it helps...i know at 4 he could careless about girls being crazy over a boy but he will get that people like it! oh and BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN ;) being a blonde myself! LOL

    Answer by babymaddy at 11:48 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Keep doing what you are doing. If he brings it up again, I'd ask, "Ifyou could have ANY hair you'd like, what would it be like?" And maybe make the convo more offbeat/ less serious. Talk about how for Halloween, he could dress up as a dalmation with black spotted hair, and you could be a firefighter, just joking around.

    Maybe if his hair is too long ot something, you can say "well if you'd like us to play around with your hair, try different things, we can" then drop it. I dont think makung a big deal is a good idea.

    My aunt was SOO big on looks that her youngest son wouls sit on the bed with a mirror (seriously) looking at his face for HOURS. It's not all about how we look, and we have to teach our kids, to work with what we have/..

    Answer by txdaniella at 11:49 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • How do I leave a pic of him on here? :) And I try not to make a big deal of it.. but I had to ask so I knew what was wrong. I asked if he wanted it cut and he said no. I only bring it up when I see him upset by it.

    Comment by midnight11287 (original poster) at 11:51 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • My daughter went through a phase like this at 4. She is light with blonde hair. First she wanted darker hair like mine, she kept wanting to take baths because it was darker when wet. Then she also wanted it to have curls like her best friend's hair. Then she started preK and made friends with a very beautiful little girl with a darker complexion and she decided she wanted that too. She'd talk about it all the time and every time she'd play pretend she was sure to tell everyone that "in the game" she was dark. I'd just agree and tell her she was right, dark skin is very beautiful, but that she is very beautiful just the way she is. I think that's about all a mom can do, just keep telling them they're beautiful inside and out. Good luck. :)

    Answer by Jessica157 at 11:56 PM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Maybe you can style it differently? ask him what he would like it to be him some hair magazines for kids, try out some gel, spike it, he might decide after all that he likes it the way it is :)

    Answer by minimo77 at 12:08 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • There's nothing wrong with telling him he's good looking & that you love his hair (and him) just the way it is, but don't try too hard to get him to agree with you. That might make him feel like you're not listening to what he's saying & make him like his hair even less. If my son said something like this to me, I would "play pretend" with him. I would ask him if he could have any hair in the world, whose hair would he have? What would it look like? How would he style it? I would let him to talk about his "dream" hair as much as he wanted. I might even put his picture on one of those sites that lets you do virtual make overs to let him try different hair colors/styles. Or maybe take him to a costume store and let him try on wigs that are similar to the hair he thinks he wants. I've found that when I encourage my kids "play pretend" to the extreme like this it's easier for them to get it out of their system and move on.

    Answer by jessradtke at 3:30 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Does he want a hair cut maybe?

    Answer by MKSers at 1:47 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

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