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i have a 3 mo old girl and when she crys i pick her up,my family says i do it too much and will spoil her that i should let her cry it out i think she's still too young for her to just cry. any opinions on that?

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Asked by toni706 at 2:10 PM on Jun. 29, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (21)
  • You cannot spoil a baby by holding them too much. Same with older children too. A baby cries for several reasons. Sometimes just because they need to know you're there. It's not until they're about 6 months or older that they realize if they can't see you it doesn't mean you're gone forever.

    IMO spoiling a child is when you don't discipline them (and I don't mean spanking but things like time outs and taking toys away as punnishment), let them do whatever they want, and give them everything they ask for.

    Holding a child/baby when they want it is NEVER spoiling. It's affection and they will learn that you love them and are there for them when they need you. They'll learn that holding and hugging one another is a way to show you love eachother and they won't be afraid to express their feelings. Doesn't sound like spoiling to me!

    Answer by amethystrse at 2:16 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • I don't think your spoiling her. Your showing her love and security. I did the same with my children and they are fine. Spoiling a child is buying them anything and everything they want and not disciplining. She is too young to be spoiled and I never a heard a child being spoiled by unconditional love. I think what you are doing is GREAT! You seem to have patience and truly love your daughter.

    Answer by Shevaughn at 2:22 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Other people love to give advice but listen to your child. Babies are meant to be held there will come a day very soon when she won't want to be held at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • I agree with both of the previous answers. You are following your heart, and that is important.
    For your family, try looking up some stuff by Erik Erikson and giving that to them. His first stage of human development, Trust v. Mistrust, talks about the infant learning that the world is FOR him/her, not AGAINST. It is some powerful stuff for those who believe in CIO.
    You cannot spoil an infant. There is nothing you can do to spoil them, but when you get into the 2's and 3's, if you give in to their every whim, then it's getting to "spoiling" time.
    For the record, no infant needs to "learn to cry", they come out of the womb with that ability. Self-soothing is key, but that is not about crying it out.
    I hope you stay strong in your parenting preferences. Often mothers feel pressure to conform to those who have come before them, which is really hard. It doesn't matter what someone else tells you unless you ask for their advice.
    Best of luck!!

    Answer by DeylansMama at 2:35 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • well personally i let my three month old cry sometimes but maybe the baby wants something like she might sleepy, hungry, or she might be too hot or too cold or she might need a good burping, now they say you can't spoil a baby at this age i don't know how true that is because when my lil' niece was two months she was spoiled already.

    Answer by mimig17 at 3:10 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • With my son, I used to pick him up as I don't believe a child that young cries for no reason at all. We did have a phase which lasted about 2 weeks where he wanted to constantly be held, so I did as he wanted, and now at almost 1, he's not clingy or anything and he doesn't cry to be held etc. I don't think it is spoiling at all, your baby just wants to be held by her mummy and why shouldn't you??

    Answer by MeAndLo at 3:16 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • That is not true that sounds like the old saying of they need to exercise the lungs....dum. Pick her up always anwser every cry as long as she will allow you too. It will not be long until she decides she can do everything on her own, true.

    Answer by rosetoes at 3:31 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Good for you for holding her. She needs you! Do what feels right in your heart, because that is all that matters!

    Answer by punkrockinmomma at 3:34 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • HOLD HER. Babies that age don't try to manipulate you. That's her only way to communicate. You are always going to have other people try to tell you how to treat your children BUT, you need to follow your heart and mind and make the choices for what is best for YOUR child. It took me 2 years to stand up to my mom and we had many, many fights but YOU are the mother and I wish I would have stood up to her from the start.

    Answer by tripsmom1 at 3:51 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Don't listen to anyone... your her mother you know what is best for her. At 3 months old all she wants is food, changed or loved.

    Answer by mca_parkers at 4:20 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

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