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He works...therefore his sleep takes priority over mine?

my hubby works night shifts. We have a 1st grader and 15 month old. I am a housewife. He comes home and yells at the kids alot. I am up with the baby alot. I don't sleep well when he's not home and when he is home he just passes out so I have to watch the baby. I can't let him watch my baby becuase I'll catch him sleeping and her crying. He has gotten very insensitive lately with me and the kids. And says he has to sleep. I am a horrible wife when I tell him maybe he should rethink the paramedic hours now that he has a family.


Asked by sockmonkey at 3:38 AM on Oct. 4, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • I think he should help out alot more. My boyfriend works all day long up to 12 hour days. He sleeps allllllll weekend and the family never does anything together. He always says that he's tired and he needs to catch on his sleep. So we just play around him and I have to do everything over him. It makes me really bad because all he does is work a full time job. I take care of the baby, work part time, and go to school full time on the internet (except one night a week for two hours....thats the ONLY time he watches her). Now that I think about it his mom comes over those nights. It's frusterating I KNOW! But I have no clue what to do either.

    Answer by Kenzies_momma at 9:41 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • Was he a paramedic when you met him? He works long shifts and you are a SAHM. You can sleep/catnap when the children do.He does have to sleep,peoples lives depend on his clear mind. I would like to think that if I was in an accident that the paramedic had a good sleep and on his toes.Time management is what you need. If the house is a little dirty, so what, get some sleep and catch up on the work when you wake up. It has to be hard working 12 hour shifts.8 hours a day is enough for me.

    Answer by Kat122 at 5:50 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • When others peoples lives depend on him, then I have to say that yes, his sleep takes priority. Nap when you can and try to find ways to fall asleep when he's working, like milk at bedtime or relaxing music. He's short with you guys because 1) he's tired 2) he has a stressful job and 3) when he's home you are nagging him about his job and that you want more sleep. You need to remember that everything doesn't revolve around just you and the kids, your husband should be a very important factor too. His job supports the family....what is it that you would rather he was doing? If he doesn't have the seniority to get off the night shift then what? Be supportive and find ways to make it work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • i know how you feel, my fiance has a job where he works 12 hour/8hour days alot, I work part time, he will turn around come home and go right to sleep, and I am taking care of our 18 month old little girl myself. If she gets up at night Im the one that has to get up since he "works" harder than I do. I jsut let it go, sometimes they dont understand that you cant sleep during the day, we have laundry to do, dishes cleaning and of course entertaining the babies. I would like for them to live our days for one day

    Answer by aprilmommy2007 at 8:07 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • I think the WOTH parents sleep trumps the SAHP sleep in almost every case.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • Yes, he does work outside the home but that does not excuse him from allowing you to get a bit of a break once in awhile, nor does it abdicate him from his parental duties. When I was working full-time, not only was I the major breadwinner in the family but I was fully responsible for the house, the kids, and everything else (and my husband worked long, unusual hours as well). Why is that women can manage all that but men can't??? Excuses, laziness, and stupidity . . . c'mon, this is 2008 for pete's sake!!! His role is not only one of "provider" but also "husband" and "father".


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • it should be teamwork. does he need sleep, yes but so do you and he has to have days off osmetimes, when he's having a day off he should be taking care of those kids an dyou getting a nap. the kids need to see him nyways

    Answer by moki1984 at 10:24 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • Get a job, split everything 50-50,(money, houesehold chores, taking care of kids) and see how that works

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • My husband works his butt off so I can SAH with our kids, therefore I get up at night with our kids, I deal with the majority or the child care and I do it on little to no sleep because that is my job. I am lucky though he comes home and plays with our DD and helps me with the house work when he is off but I dont expect him too he does it because I am pregnant and huge and some things I just cant do like I use to. LOL I think you should talk to him. Tell him how your feel but yes for the most part his sleep trumps yours.

    Answer by lovemybabys1106 at 11:32 AM on Oct. 4, 2008