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4 Bumps

What constitutes "sex"? Do you think it is opinion? adult content

My DD and I have been discussing sex a lot lately. She is 16 and has has a boyfriend for 5 months. I have told her that anything more physical than light kissing and hugging is sex. 2nd base is sex. Even with clothes on, if you are stimulating each others genitals, it's sex. She disagrees with that, and said it is opinion. I think she is referring to teen opinion, not adult, and she is looking for a way to say she is perfectly OK with the feeling up with clothes on, but not "real" sex, such as with clothes off, oral, intercourse, etc. She asked if I wanted her to stop going to 2nd (she's gone 2x), and I said you bet I do! I think I freaked her out and I'm glad...just wondered what other opinions/thoughts are.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:16 AM on Aug. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I do not think that making out with clothes on is sex. That is making out.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 7:21 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I agree that it's making out. Yes it's physical, but not sex. I hardly even think of oral as actual sex. I really only include intercourse as sex, and everything else as sexual. It's in the neighborhood, but not quite on the money. I know that not everyone will agree with that lol. I really think that what is considered to be sex is individual opinion.
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 7:27 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I disagree with you. By definition you cannot have ANY kind of sex through clothing lol. And touching each other's genitals without clothing on is called mutual masturbation, not sex. Oral sex is sex, vaginal sex is sex, anal sex is sex, but touching? No. And it's not opinion, it's defined that way.

    I also think that having that attitude about sex and expressing it to your daughter is detrimental to her sexual health. You're making it bad and something to avoid. Now she has to fight her NATURE, the urges programmed from birth into every human, in order to be "good" in your eyes- which most teens want to do. What happens when she's in a relationship that you're "okay" with her having sex in (maybe marriage for you)? It's quite possible to give your kid a complex which will make even "condoned" sex taboo... I know this from experience. Lighten up a little on her.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 7:28 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I agree with the previous answers....
    Momofboys22

    Answer by Momofboys22 at 7:30 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I don't feel what you have described is "real sex" BUT I want to praise you two for having the conversation and being so open about it. How I wish my mother had even explained what some things were! She could not talk comfortably about it and so I had no guidance. Didn't even know I had the right to say no when being pressured. Ended up preganant at 16. You are so fortunate to have an open realtionship with your daughter. I assume you have told her about birth control. Kudos to you for your openness in dealing with this. I wish you both the very best.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I agree with you. She is playing with fire and she will get burned. This is one reason why I am opposed to teens "dating". I'm all for young ladies learning how to discern character of young men, but it should be done in her home with her parents watching. While that may sound old-fashioned to some, I think it is just good parenting. A 16-year old girl or boy does not have the maturity to control those raging hormones, even though they believe that they are totally in command of them. There is way too much pressure from every venue to become sexually active, and it is extremely dangerous to do so. There is a wonderful book entitled EVERY YOUNG WOMAN'S BATTLE by Shannon Etheridge and Stephen Arterburn. If I were you, I would go today and find that book and she and I would read it together. There is much harm done by premarital sex, so hang in there, Mom, and put the brakes on this relationship, if you can at all.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:57 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I have to disagree. I think sex either oral or reg sex. Although those things do lead to real sex quick... so I would definitatly get my Dd on birth control if she has a boy friend and has already been that far. I would also provide her with condoms. You're lucky to have this relationship with your Dd where she'll talk to you about stuff like this. I didn't tell my mom I was sexually active at 16. I didn't have sex til I was close to 17, but I could have easily gotten pregnant... didn't know at the time that the withdrawl method didn't work very well.
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 8:03 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I think you might need to re-educate yourself when it comes to sex education. Sex is only ORAL or Penetration. Dry humping is just that Dry humping.. no penetration isnt sex. Oral sex I dont even classify as actual sex because its not vaginal.
    I think that 16 year olds have general curiocity but she needs to be educated more on protection and birth control and abstenence and not arguing about what sex is this and that.

    if you let your 16 year old date which most parents do you have to be prepared for the possible outcomes and educating your child to the best of your ability is the way to prevent problems like stds and pregnancy.
    Teens will be teens
    MommySteph1011

    Answer by MommySteph1011 at 8:24 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I don't know if I would consider second base sex, but it is definitely something that leads to sex. If she's not ready for sex then she should make sure to draw a clear line and when you arouse each other through clothes those lines can be blurred.
    yezay

    Answer by yezay at 8:55 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • what Ati 13 said
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:11 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

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