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Having another kid...

How do you really decide if and when to have a 2nd? We thought we were good with just one (as my husband's 11 years my senior; he didn't want to be an "old dad"), but now that our daughter's 20 months he's been making hints as to wanting to "try for a boy." I think I'm okay with this (I'm a SAHM, so it's really on me), but I'm not sure about the financial end of it - kids are expensive, and as much as I'd like our daughter to have a brother or sister, I'm not sure if we should. Help'? LoL

 
Kassey713

Asked by Kassey713 at 9:26 AM on Aug. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,619 Credits)
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Answers (13)
  • From a financial standpoint, having a second baby can definitely have an impact. We didn't think a second baby would be much more expensive but she was born with an allergy and required special formula. When one gets sick usually the other one does too. They go through clothes really fast for the first few years so you have to be thrifty there. There are tons of other things too. But if you are doing well now and have a good budget and if you really want a second baby, go ahead. I'm a SAHM and I can identify with the 'it's all on me' realization and there are days I think that I cannot wait for bedtime. But then I watch them playing together and it's the sweetest thing in my whole world. It's more work and more money and more white hair for mom (or maybe that's just me) but I love the fact that our family is complete and my kids have each other to grow up with.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 9:49 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Well one way to look at it, is you can always get your body back again, but when its' too late to have a 2nd, its too late, and you may regret it. :)
    minimo77

    Answer by minimo77 at 9:49 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I am having # 5 , we decide to have 5 so far because we can afford them, and we love children, and for us it is a pro-life thingm being Catholic, it is not a great thing to use birth control
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 9:32 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • It's something you'll have to figure out on your own based on your life. I always knew I wanted 2 kids though it seemed for a long time that I was destined to only have 1. From a financial standpoint, I never felt any kind of burden by having #2. You just make it work.
    FootballMom85

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 9:34 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • If you are able to be a stay at home Mom, I wouldn't think the financial thing would be too hard. For me, I have to work so having more children means more $$ in daycare. Sure there's more diapers to buy and more clothes to buy, but I would think giving your child a sibling and having the love of a growing family would be worth it! My kids are 2 1/2 years apart (got pregnant with #2 when DS was 22 months) and it's worked out great. I love the 2-3 year age gap. Good luck!
    jacksmom3707

    Answer by jacksmom3707 at 9:36 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • My ex and I had 2. Our 2nd child was not planned and our 2 children are about 17 months apart. A bit closer than what I would have preferred. At the time of our 2nd child's birth we decided to wait 3 years and see how we stood financially before we had any more. I was on birth control for the 3 years and then we decided not to have any more children and he had a vasectomy.
    marchar2002

    Answer by marchar2002 at 9:38 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • My DD is 14 months and we have been trying for the last 3 months. We both knew we wanted to try for a boy as well, but it wasn't an easy decision because I am also a SAHM and it's all on me. Most days I think we are crazy for trying again ... kids are expensive, but as long as you are ok with money now and you have a game plan .... take the dive! Haha trust me most days you'll think your nuts for even trying AND then it'll happen and you'll be more then thrilled right?
    kaylan010

    Answer by kaylan010 at 9:38 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • JoLee, what's "not a good thing" about birth control? I've been on some form or another since I was 15 (waaaaay before I was having sex; I used it to treat cramps) and think it's one of the better inventions of the 20th century! My husband and his family are Catholic, but def have no issue with birth control (my mom-in-law is pretty open-minded).

    Our daughter wasn't planned at all - we'd been married for 9 months, and had just moved to New Orleans 4 months prior, when we found out I was pregnant! We'd been talking about getting a 2nd dog, LoL.
    Part of my reasons for being iffy on another child are kind of selfish; but it's the truth - I JUST got my body back to where I'm happy with it, and idk if I'm ready to screw it up again...
    Kassey713

    Comment by Kassey713 (original poster) at 9:42 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I don't think I am a good one to answer this as I have 5 kids. All I can say is you find a way to make it work. You use hand me downs etc. The bigger picture is things like college. When they are little it is a breeze, it is when the get older they get expensive. So look 18 yrs down the road and consider his job security etc. Good luck ....I have never regreted my children.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:51 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Hun, I don't think anyone can nec. make this decision for you. I don't know how many children I want. I am on my second. Sometimes I think I don't want anymore and sometimes I think I do. I know currently our finances aren't the best but I know with my husband returning back to active duty army soon that our finances will get much better. What my husband and I decided to do after our first was just wing it. Everything happens for a reason and I conceived both of my boys while on BC. My son is 7 months and my husband and I have sex regularly without using protection. If it is meant to be, it is going to happen. That's our baby motto lol
    vampiremommy1

    Answer by vampiremommy1 at 12:59 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

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