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I feel like the worst mom in the world...

or at least thats what my husband make's me feel like.
We have a 21 month old daughter and she has been having a lot of temper tantrums lately so i am losing my temper a lot and yelling. Today my Husband looked at me and said "Do you know why she is having so many tantrums today?" and i was like "No" and he said "It's because you are yelling all the time". I mean he is not the worlds best dad, He maybe spends a 1/2 hr a day with her sometimes not even that.I get that he has to work night shift but he gets home at 3:30 am and then is on his cpu till 6 am then sleeps till like 1 or 2 in the afternoon, then he gets up and gets on his cpu until he gets mad at me cause our dd wants his attention. Then he spends a few mins with her then turns off her cartoons and puts on something that he wants to watch! She is craving for his attention and all he is doing is ignoring her and making me feel like a bad mom...what should i do?

 
mommylisar

Asked by mommylisar at 11:08 AM on Aug. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,957 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • I know this is going to be hard to do, but it could end up working and making things better -

    You tell him "You're right - a big part of why she's having so many temper tantrums is because I'm stressed and yelling so much. The reason I'm doing this is because I need a break from her, and, honestly, she needs a break from me. It would be great if you could take her for even an hour a day and play with her and do stuff with her so that she burns some energy and I get a chance to recharge. If you could do this for me, it would make us all a lot less stressed!"

    That way, you're making him step up to the plate and spend more time with her, and you get some help, and you do it in a way that he can't argue with, because you aren't attacking him - you're agreeing with him :-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:14 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • How about telling him that part of the reason you're yelling so much is because you need to get out of the house for an hour or so alone, just to run errands or whatever, and he needs to take charge of your daughter? Perhaps that'll give him a chance to spend some time with her and see what you're dealing with. Hopefully, he'll enjoy getting to know her more and he'll also be more understanding of your situation.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 11:13 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Have you ever said anything to him about the fact that he doesn't spend anytime with her? Does he realize that sometimes it owuld be nice if he would spend a little time with her so that you could have a break?
    candy79556

    Answer by candy79556 at 11:29 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • *hugs* It's part the age and part the house hold environment. Start including her in as much as you can. Let her help you pour things and stir things when you are making foods (obviously nothing hot). Let her help you clear dishes and wipe the table down. Play clean up with her and sing while you do it. Let her see what things you are working on and let her feel and hold interesting objects. Explain to her everything that you are doing and ask her questions and answer her questions. This helps her tantrums because it gives her the attention she's craving and it makes her feel more apart of the family and it makes her feel independent as she learns to do things on her own. You can't really do much about your SO, but you can work with your LO and create a better environment for her to learn and be engaged. For you, cut down on caffeine if you need to and make sure to have moments to yourself, deep breathe.
    Cassarah

    Answer by Cassarah at 11:13 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • And, by the way - I do NOT think you're the worst mom in the world. Toddler years are really hard, and they're going to have fits. It's all part of them growing up. And get ready, because even though they outgrow it, they go through a very similar thing again when they hit puberty ;-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:15 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • My ex husband did that, I tried talking to him and he just didn't care. I went through 11 years of misery of it before I finnally said the hell with it and divorced him. If he wasn't at work then he was glued to the computer.
    Put your foot down and talk to him about it, or suck it up and deal with it. That's just how some men are. Sorry to say but it's true.
    DesertRose75

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 11:18 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Parenting takes both parents. Tell him to take a look at himself before he judges you. Usually, if he works on his parenting, and focuses on what HE is doing right and wrong, and vice versa, then it will work for the better. If both of you are just bashing one another about what the other one is doing wrong, then you will constantly be upset, it won't work. but HE needs to be aware of this, and not just you. By the way, you are NOT the worst mom in the world! At least you care!!!!!
    Amber211

    Answer by Amber211 at 11:20 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • sounds like maybe youre possibly frustrated with your dh and taking it out on your daughter by yelling. You are taking it out on the wrong person though. Maybe you need to tell your dh exactly what you've just told us. confront him. Tell him if he spent a little more time with dd and gave you a break that you wouldnt be so frustrated.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:20 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary is a good first book. Her book Without Spanking or Spoiling (1981) changed my life and shaped my parenting philosophy. She has a website called Star Parenting. Here is a nice color parenting chart you can print out and put on the fridge to help you.


    http://www.starparent.com/about/print.html


    Here is a famous article about the problem of parents saying no to their toddlers too often.


    http://www.sheknows.com/articles/804952.htm


    Authoritative parenting is the most effective form of parenting, you can google it.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:23 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • you don't need a book to know how to parent..gailll. i think its sad that some people really do.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:24 AM on Aug. 2, 2010

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