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3 Bumps

My mother in law is tooooo controlling .........HELP!

My mil has caused more than 1 arugument in our marriage and my husband doesnt see that she is controlling.....how do i fix this??? We have been together 6 years and still have never put our money together just bc his mother does his check book and she wanted to do mine as well, basically it will on ly be put together if she "controlled" the check book! WTH..i knw very well how to manage money so thats not it! Along with MANY other issues i feel this woman is in our business WAAAAAAAAAY too much and we dont see eye to eye on this which turns into an agument....WHen is enough ..ENOUGH! ive had it ..i dont want it to end our marriage but its REALLY putting a huge strain on our marriage...is this normal for me to feel this way...am i over reacting?? SOmeone who is not biased with good advice is greatly apprectiated.....

Answer Question
 
HOTMOMS23

Asked by HOTMOMS23 at 2:35 PM on Aug. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 4 (40 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • you need to talk to your husband about it calmly. dont let it start a fight. just tell him what you think and have proof of it to tell him.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 2:38 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Consider marriage counseling. U need a professional to teach u how to get ur point across to ur DH aand ur DH to know it's wrong to include his mom in ur marriage. Good luck. MIL seems to have a strong hold on him n if after 6 hrs ur still struggling then it will b a gradual change.
    Vero0724

    Answer by Vero0724 at 2:44 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I went through the EXACT same thing with with my mother in law... you need to put your foot down girl! You are his wife so she needs to back down now. Its not easy it will take some time but stand up for yourself and let your hubby know how you feel and how big of a problem it is causing.
    momma_twins7317

    Answer by momma_twins7317 at 2:52 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I'm so sorry. My boys are ages 18, 21 and 27. None are married, but I do NOT handle their money. I hope that I've raised them to be mature responsible adults, and I can't even imagine imposing myself in their financial situation if they were married. If they ASKED me for help setting up a budget, or balancing their checkbook. I'd be more than happy to help, but I respect my sons as adult men, and hope that they are man enough to handle their money, and work on their finances with their spouses. Anyone can have financial problems, or make mistakes from inexperience, & it's great if parents can be there to help you get back on track, but beyond that, your mother in law has crossed the line & your husband needs to be a man and let her know that he's an adult married man, and it's time for her to respect him.....and you as adults.

    Marriage counseling is a great idea. Otherwise, you have very serious problems. Good Luck!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:01 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I would politely remind her that one day she is going to get old and someone is going to have to take care of her and her finances. I would remind her that since she never gave her son the proper life skills in managing his own finances, all of MILs business affairs would be in your hands...and since you're not a fan of confrontation, you'll just put her in a nice, comfy rest home ..ya know, just to keep the peace..nothing personal.

    Good Luck, doll.
    KellyParadise

    Answer by KellyParadise at 3:09 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • WOW..thank you all for the great advice.....@ohwrite..i thought it was just me ...but i believe she is enabling him by doing so as well..lord knows if something were to happen to her or myself..then really WHAT WOULD HE DO?
    KellyParadise....lol.....thats hilarous! I will keep that in mind:)
    HOTMOMS23

    Comment by HOTMOMS23 (original poster) at 3:52 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Once we got a job, we handled our own money. It sounds like hubby doesn't want to grow up and handle the big responsibilities. I know this may sound ridiculous, by why don't you talk to your mom and have her jump in to the relationship as well. Have her giving too much advice and offering to balance the check book and bank accounts. Have her trying to get in the middle of the two of you. I am sure he will start to see things your way when someone else is trying to butt in where they are not needed. If he can't see it, then it may be time to let him go. He obviously can't let go of apron strings. Good luck.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 2:54 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

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