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How do you think he will respond?

Last night my SO told me he decided it wasn't a good time for us to be getting engaged because things have been rough and he wants to make sure they work out first. I have postpartum and i have severe ups and downs that I can't help (i miscarried) Here's what I sent him:
I'm not feeling that great about things. I feel like your bailing on me. I'm not willing to sit here and play house and fake wife if your not willing to make that final commitment to me. I don't know what to think or do at this point but i'm feeling really rejected and heartbroken. Part of me knows that what your doing is right because you have to be honest, but part of me has seen this coming with the way things have been. I know i'm a mess right now but you were supposed to stick by me through it, not pull back and see how things go. I feel like we are wasting eachother's time because a relationship without commitment is not worth fighting for.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Aug. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • if it were me reading this
    i would think that you just reenforced the separation idea

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:32 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I agree with fiatpax.

    Answer by older at 3:33 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • It sounds like you guys are ready to call it quits but having trouble making the final cut.


    Answer by UpSheRises at 3:34 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I am sorry but wait to see if things worked out? That's terrible if you had been married would he want a divorce to see if they get better. Marriage like life is full of ups and downs. That's why its critical that you have someone to lean on and support you. Maybe he is feeling some depression too. Have you talked about how the misscarriage made him feel? Just some thoughts. My heart goes out to you and I hope things work out for the best.

    Answer by maggiebella25 at 3:35 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • let me add, i do not think he is right
    you make a good point
    but i am a woman and feel similair to your point of view
    but if i were a guy that is needing space, i would read this and take it as ...confirming the need for space

    men are not thinking animals like women, he should be comforting you after a misscarriage, but he is a man and some men hide in a cave

    maybe you should let him hide in his cave (read Men are from mars and woen are from Venus)
    men and women communicate way differently

    Answer by fiatpax at 3:35 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • If you can't talk and work things out, then maybe you do need to move on and go your seperate ways.

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 3:35 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Sounds like you need to call it quits. If he can't commit and you are mad about it, nothing is going to change that.


    Answer by Cindy18 at 3:36 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Some people have their limits. Me and my SO/DF waited to get engaged to see how things will work out. Basically we realized that there will be problems and what makes us a great couple is that we are BOTH willing to work thru them and that we love one another very much. Now we are planning a wedding.

    I also gave my SO the same sort of ultimatum about a month ago because If we are living together, I'm a SAHM and student, he supports us, we love one another to death, I basically was like, I want that final commitment or we need to part because I also want to set a good example for our son, who is only 8mos, but one day if we don't marry he will realize this and I don't want him to repeat what we did, Child before Marriage.

    So we're planning a New Years eve wedding !!!

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 3:40 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I like it. It's honest and to the point.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:47 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Sounds like he wants a guarantee that married life will be great. Well here is today's shocking news: THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES to anything in life. I married my hubby because we were in love and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. That includes the downs as well as the ups. You have good times, you have bad times, but you have them together. If we could all foresee into the future so we would know who to marry and who not to marry, well there wouldn't be any divorce would there? Sounds like he just isn't ready to get married, period, to anyone.

    Answer by TarLion at 4:17 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

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