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When do you know that you and him just arent meant to be together?

after 4 years of growing and learning together i just dont think that my boyfriend and i have a future together. its like the more we're together the more we figure out is different about our opinions and beliefs. i know its not realistic to think we will agree on everything, but hes still young and determined to find his own route to happiness no matter what. we are now arguing over money vs. family time. i would rather him have "regular" job to be with family and he would rather keep options open for making the most money, even if it means being on the road or gone for weeks at a time. i would rather us both work (if the money was the issue) so that the family could be together. he just want to have the most money no matter the impact. this issue is really starting to divide us. he wants more money to play with and i want a tight-knit family even if it means we struggle. he wants to aviod struggling at all cost. what to say?

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secondtyme520

Asked by secondtyme520 at 6:14 PM on Aug. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,344 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • This was a huge problem for my ex and I. He wanted a second job to pay for his hobbies, that also took him away from home. I wanted family time and am totally happy as long as I can pay my bills, I dont need extra. Only you can say how big of an issue it is for you guys. (((HUGS)))
    kimbob2284

    Answer by kimbob2284 at 6:21 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I honestly can't blame your boyfriend. I'm a SAHM now, but up until 3 years ago I traveled extensively for work. I couldn't live with myself if I knew I could provide more for my family and didn't. My DH travels a lot for work now. It's sometimes hard, but I'm proud of him for doing it to provide a wonderful life for us. I'm not saying you are wrong for feeling like you do - my ex felt the same way and it hurt our relationship significantly. I couldn't understand why he didn't want more for us, and he couldn't understand why I wanted more.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 6:33 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • You will know when you know. TONS of help huh? I know, but only your heart can tell you when it is over. When you don't love him anymore it is time to go. Every relationship goes through tough times you have to learn to work through them together.
    mrsbean08

    Answer by mrsbean08 at 6:37 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • When we can no longer "agree to disagree." You're basically asking him to think like a woman, and he can't. He's asking you to think like a man and you can't. I highly recommend you read Steve Harvey's book "Act like a Lady, think like a Man." It answers all your questions and will change your current mind set to an extent.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 6:45 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • well i can understand wanting more in life, hell i want more! but like i said i would rather (be patient) and wait until i could get a full time job instead. my son is 2 and will be in school in a couple years, and we are making it but not by much. and i just would rather wait to try to live luxuriously when we both could contribute to both family and finances. he just doesnt want to wait that long. and he feels like im trying to be controlling in suggesting something that he could work and be home when he gets off. he thinks im trying to limit him. but at the same time im supposed to be 100% responsible for house and kids when i myself am over 1/2 done with my degree! he cant seem to compromise, he thinks compromising means caving in and removing possible sources of money and his happiness.
    secondtyme520

    Comment by secondtyme520 (original poster) at 6:48 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • when you're dealing with other people, you have to let them make decisions that they think are best for themselves. you seem to be very resistant to anything that is not the way you have planned it. relationships don't work that way. try discussing your feelings and asking him to help you come up with solutions that will meet both your needs. if you are open to his choices he may be more open to your feelings. you can't ultimately change his priorities whether or not you think they should be different. my husband is way more materialistic than i (although overall not... not worth explaining here). i care way more about tolerance and environment than he does. neither of us is right or wrong it's just a difference of opinion which is normal.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 7:10 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • i dont blame him for not wanting to struggle, when you have children you should want to provide the BEST that you can for them. you have a lot of questions about him and honestly maybe you should leave him.. he doesnt sound like a very good guy anyways. i hope you figure this out. good luck
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 7:31 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Sounds to me like you know.
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 7:59 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I love my husband dearly, but we are completely opposite in many different, important ways. I kind of wish I had gotten to know more of this before we got married, but on the other hand, a lot of it wouldn't have come up until we had kids anyway. There are definitely days when I wish I was married to someone who shared my beliefs on more issues. It might be time for you to get out while you can still remain friendly, otherwise, the more divided you get, the more anger, etc and the harder it will be to have anything resembling a peaceful separation.
    bethany169

    Answer by bethany169 at 11:21 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

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