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My 17 year old daughter went crazy over a boy. Help!

My 17 year old daughter had a boyfriend for about a year. She says they had sex one time. They broke up then I started finding letters that she wrote to him. She was telling him lies about being pregnant and also made up a lie saying she was sick and going to die. We have brought her to a therapist because she is so depressed. Did she make this stuff up just to keep him? Is she crazy? I am so scared and worried about her. Do girls really get this upset over a boy that they would make up things to try and get them back? Has anyone else every been through anything like this?

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Asked by myproblems at 11:51 AM on Oct. 4, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (8)
  • I never did anything like that, and don't know anyone that did. Did she ever give any indications of having any kind of problems before he came along? I think the therapist is a very good idea. You say you found letters - are you sure she was lying about being pregnant? Is there any possiblity that she was pregnant and maybe had a miscarriage? That could be one explanation for her behavior. Grieving over the lost relationship and the lost baby could have "pushed her over the edge", so to speak. I wish I had some useful advice for you.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:58 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • I've been there. Same age too. He was my "first love". First time sex, too. The human body produces hormones/chemicals that "bond" people together, so to speak. Females are affected more by it. She's probably sincere in her attempts to "keep" him. Sorry to say, but it's just going to take plain ole time to get past this. Keep her busy and focused on other things. Does she have a job? Can you get her involved in volunteer work somewhere? She's not crazy - just desperate and broken hearted. Best wishes!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • I did all of that! and more than once. Yes, girls get like that. She's not crazy. She's upset. I wouldn't worry. She's going through a type of withdrawl... Love is a drug... Especially at that point in your life... She'll be fine. Take her out for some one on one mommy daughter time and make her know she is still special. She's probibly feeling rejected, lost and confused...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:06 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • Like the previous poster just takes time. I went CRAZY over my first boyfriend. He nearly had to call the cops to get me off his property the first time he broke up with me. We ended up getting back together, then I broke it off for good a few months after that. She's only 17, but she probably thinks it's the end of the world and she'll NEVER EVER find another guy like him. Just give her time and let her know that you love her and make her feel special. She doesn't realize that there are other guys in the world, and this guy wasn't the first and won't be the last.

    Answer by caitxrawks at 12:09 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • Thank you for all your answers. It makes me feel a little better. Another thing that bothers me is that she says she doesn't remember writing the letters. Is it possible to get that depressed that you do things that you don't remember or is she lieing? We have never had any major problems with her until this. She is normally a good kid.

    Answer by myproblems at 12:57 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • She could be so embarrassed about the letters that she's lying about not remembering writing them. I lied about a bunch of stuff only because I couldn't bear the thought of my mom knowing what I actually thought about. I'm 20 now, so 17 wasn't that long ago for me. I don't know your daughter or anything, but I'm just speaking from experience. I was a good normal teenager as well, but boys tend to complicate things for some people.

    I think as long as she's not showing any true suicidal tendencies, she's not cutting herself or harming herself in any way, and she's not becoming violent with you or her peers, she'll be fine. She's just entering the next phase in her life, it's a hard road for teenagers especially, but she'll get through it. Just watch, in six months she'll have another boyfriend and he'll be ohhh-so-cute and ohhh-so-amazing and she'll probably talk about how evil and stupid this ex-boyfriend is. I know I do =]

    Answer by caitxrawks at 1:04 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • Gosh, I went through an AWFUL breakup at that age. It such a tender age and situation to go through. Have you talked to her about it? Sometimes getting her out,maybe shopping out out to eat alone for some girl time, can get her mind off of things. I think only time will heal a broken heart. Unless you are really scared of her well being (ie suicide) I wouldnt bring her quite yet for help. Hopefully this will pass alittle faster for you. My heart truely goes out to her.

    Answer by breegee at 8:02 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • yes, ive been through it. and yes i went threw the same thing im 17 now, it happened to me wen i was 15. a guy told me he loved me and one nite i gave him wat he wanted, the nxt day i tried to call him and he ignored it, havent herd from him since. Then i started sending him stuff saying i was preg and i was tired of life, and he still wouldnt respond, then my parents found out abt it and they told him i was lying. we still havent tlked at all, but im with sum1 else, and we have a baby together, hes 4mons, but i still think abt that guy, and evn tho he did me wrong i still kinda love him. as crazy as that is. just be ther for her, let her know you are there for her, its an awful thing to grow threw exspecially w/o a mom.

    Answer by Jessica1991 at 10:12 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

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