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2 Bumps

Do you fight more with your husband/SO since you've had children? adult content

My husband and I have a 9 month old baby boy who we are both absolutely in love with. We were together for 5 years before we had him, and married for 3. Since I found out I was pregnant we have argued more than EVER before. (Examples- When he was a newborn we argued over how tight his diaper should be. A week ago we argued over where to put his toy chest.) It seems like little unimportant things but they make me so angry, and he gets on my NERVES so much! Is this normal? Should he be driving me absolutely CRAZY all the time, and irritating me with every little thing he does? I think it is just us still adjusting to having a baby, but I just don't know. He is a wonderful father, and husband and I love him so much, but I want to get over this already. I wish we did not argue so much. Could it be just the added stress, and resposibilities of being new parents?!?

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vanessam25

Asked by vanessam25 at 8:07 PM on Aug. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Actually no, we fight less.
    DesertRose75

    Answer by DesertRose75 at 8:09 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • We fought more before we had our son. We were trying to hard to have a baby that it was stressing us out, especially me. We argued all the time. Having our son really calmed us down and brought us closer. We still have our arguments (any married couple that says they never fight are liars), but it's not as bad.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 8:10 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • in a way YES but then again we always argued
    13liz13

    Answer by 13liz13 at 8:14 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Yes, DH and I fight more now that we are parents. I think its because between work, household chores, and caring for our son there is very little us time and no personal time. We don't have the luxury of really thinking and talking things out plus when frustrations rise with DS we tend to take it out on each other rather than take it out on DS.
    My new tactic to combat this is. 1. Admitting that my child can be frustrating and that is ok to ask for help. 2. Picking my battles (sometimes the toys will not be put away). 3. Reminding myself that my DH is in this boat with me and we need to work as team is we are going to survive.
    GL and you are so not alone.
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 8:17 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • We started to fight all the time after we had our son, actually as soon as I found out we were expecting. I think it just hits you, like it's okay if you not PERFECT for me, but you better be PERFECT for our kid. So bad, I know. But it must have been what I thought! Well anyway we used to fight all the time when our son was born it got so bad we actually separated, then we got help (couples counseling and therapy) I realized I totally resented him, which made me emasculate him, and always micro-managing him. I was a total nightmare! ha, seriously I was so mean. And once I realized it I was able to fix it, He had stuff to fix too, but it was mostly me. Anyways you both want whats best for your boy and thats why you fight, you should sit down and talk it out, Trust me you need to talk about why you get so upset.
    Topgunmommy

    Answer by Topgunmommy at 8:19 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Topgunmommy- OMG I think I am a lotttt like you. I don't want to be this way, but I think we are mean to eachother. Or he is mean because he says I'm. Maybe counseling will help us too?!

    FuzNet- I totally agree with you also. I know that we definitely don't put as much effort into our relationship as we used to. There isn't as much time as there was before we had our baby. I think there is a lot going on, and sooo many different reasons why this is happening. But you mentioned that whole "in the same boat thing". Did you ever feel alone, even though he was there? I think I need to change my thinking and remember that.

    13liz13- I think we did too, but not as much as we do now. Before the baby it wasn't as important, because it just affected us. Now it affect him too.

    Everyone else- Thank you all for your opinions!
    vanessam25

    Comment by vanessam25 (original poster) at 8:32 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Of course i feel alone even though DH is here. I so desperately want only the best for my DS and when I don't feel like DH is giving 100% I want to strangle him and I wonder why he doesn't love my DS as much as I do. This is when I have to remind myself that it isn't because DH doesn't love DS as much as I do its because we have different opinion on what is important and/or what is going on. I have to remind myself I chose my mate because he balanced me. Those traits I loved him are also the traits that make cause us to have differences and the truth lies somewhere in between.
    FuzNet

    Answer by FuzNet at 8:43 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I mean, you have to take into consideration the hormonal changes too. During pregnancy, I was crazy mean and I even told off an old lady at a store one time! I was so horrified with myself because I would never do that, but I couldn't control my emotions. It takes longer than 9 months for your body to get back to normal with everything, including hormone levels, especially if you are breast feeding. Cut yourself some slack on that. Also, adding a baby adds stress, which leads to arguing.

    That said, I go to counseling and so does my husband. We went to couples for a while and now go to individual and it has definitley helped. If it doesn't upset you guys to go, try it! In my opinion therapy is never a bad idea :)
    CJM_SHM

    Answer by CJM_SHM at 9:29 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I think we argue the same amount.
    littlemama810

    Answer by littlemama810 at 12:54 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • no
    A11

    Answer by A11 at 6:29 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

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