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Family matters...

So, Ive been with this person for 3yrs now. We also have a child together. So please, dont comment on the whole, "well your not married blah blah crap." It's a choice I've made and we've chosen to not get married until I'm finished with my studies--personal choice. Any whoo, that isn't the problem. He has been married before and he has a 6yr old from the ex. This whatever we'd like to call her does not like me because she feels that she made a mistake yrs ago and wants him back...well, she's too late. However, we have our 6yr old every other wkend and at certain times, I'm left to "text" her certain Q's I may have, like recently, our 6yr old is turning 7 and I need dates now being her b.day is a month away. Well, she feels that she doesnt need to respond to me. I've told my significant other that he needs to contact her and get a date for me, yet, he's too afraid of the you know who. I'm seriously at a loss of words. Help

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trijobaby

Asked by trijobaby at 10:44 PM on Aug. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (201 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • well she needs to open her eyes and so does he being that you guys are together and have been together for some time now i dont htink your going any were and she needs to get over it.this may come out wrong sorry if it does but you SO needs to steep up and stick up for you when she talks to you like that he needs to tell her that you two are together and she needs to get over it. theres no reason for her to be like that being that your around the 6 year old all the time..im sorry you have to go thro this but he needs to step up and she needs to get over it
    liljess09

    Answer by liljess09 at 10:49 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Does she have friends in your neighborhood? What about throwing a small party with your SO's side of the family & those friends when it's his weekend to have her? Added bonus to that is whatever gifts she may get stay at your place! As for the issue... he HAS to talk to her about it! And if it comes down to it... YOU "confront" her.
    CrazyMammaOf4

    Answer by CrazyMammaOf4 at 10:52 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • I agree with you 100% liljess! Only problem is...she doesnt say anything to me! she just completely ignores me. he could text her something and she'd be right on it and vise versa! I come into the picture...and need I say more...I've been in the picture for far too long and for this to continue any further makes me really angry. One day, I had to rush over to our daughters school to buy her a gas can with gas in it because her vehicle wouldn't start. I'm there for her when she needs it. Apparently I'm stepping on her toes. Oh well, this is what she has made it. It's not mine nor no-one elses fault she still has feelings for him and he needs to quit absorbing the crap and do something. But is there really anything that I can do?? She doesnt respond to my texts...what do I do?
    trijobaby

    Comment by trijobaby (original poster) at 10:56 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Well, to crazymamma, last year, we did seperate b.day parties. Our daughter wants a joint one this year which is fine. But with me being the lil party planner that I am, lol, I am leaving it to her mother to run the show, I did tell my SO that we would take care of the food, cake and beverages. He just hasn't relayed the message to her yet. My side of the family need a month in advance, like most normal ppl with jobs do, some are on call and some have to work the wkends. So I need this date from her pronto. I do agree with you on him taking care of it if she doesnt respond. If I step in, things may go to the court...thats my problem...she feels that because we're not married she doesnt need to answer to me.
    trijobaby

    Comment by trijobaby (original poster) at 11:01 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • the only one is suffering is the six year old you would think when two people make a child that they can talk .but maybe it is time that your other half gets some ball and talk to his ex if that does not work wait till she has bd and see what he gets or ask child what he would like.what i did with my kids is make a day for just them .dinner they pick,a party or a shopping trip where they could buy their own gift.all my kids picked the dinner and the shopping trip.hotdogs up to lobster dinner.even know that the kids are older they still love it .so have fun with it let me know it went
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 11:04 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • if she dont answer your text i would try a face to face and he really needs to say something,not only is the 6 year old there with the daddy but shes also there with you if she trust you enough to be with her child alone she should have enough respect to talk to you. it really sounds like to me that shes trying to play kid games with you and maybe even get in between you and your so. i my self wouldn't stand for it, your there when she needs something but she cant do the same.. thats not right. all 3 of you should sit down and talk. yes she still has feelings for him and what not, but they are not together any more and she needs to accept that. if she wont talk with the face to face then theres nothing u can do he needs to tell her and not be worried about what shes going to say.
    liljess09

    Answer by liljess09 at 11:09 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • He needs to be talking to her since it's their kid.If she does not respond to him then at least you can say you tried.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 11:17 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Your boyfriend was (notice I said WAS) her husband at one time. You were not married to her. He should be the one communicating with her, not you. Don't even try to communicate even by phone or text. It is his responsibility. Go ahead and plan a party, if she doesn't want to tell you and he doesn't want to find out about the party, then plan one at your home and don't invite her. The last place you need to make is scene is on your step-daughter's bday.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 11:26 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • Just set the dates you want and txt her what YOU decided. I bet she responds then
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:36 PM on Aug. 2, 2010

  • well what the hell is he afraid of? really if she's an ass, he needs to step up and be an adult. i'm not sure you have any legal "right" to force her to communicate with you. since she refuses (probably because she wants to force him to communicate with her), this is just how it has to be. my husband doesn't like to make certain calls, etc. at times but every now and then he has to put on his big boy panties and handle it. wah.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:04 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

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