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2 Bumps

I need some advice you ladies who know my situation.

So, ...When my mom died and i started caring for my little brother he became my IL's grandson. They acknowledge this and deal with it. ...But that's my problem. They (my MIL especially) don't seem to make much effort to make him FEEL like he is as equal to their bio grandson (my stepson).
I know these things take time. I don't expect them to automatically love them the same (or ever really) but it is important DS1 feels just as loved as DS2 does.
MIL says she knows this and says she tries. ...but then she'll do things like call and as to speak to DS2 ...but not DS1. ...And she'll mention on FB that she is going to visit her grandson ...not her grandsonS! It's been over a year and i think that these little changes should already be part of their lives.
And when she visits she makes it clear that she wants to snuggle with DS2 ...but doesn't make the same effort for DS1.

I've talked to her about it. (continued).

Answer Question

Asked by outstandingLove at 1:57 AM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (9,136 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • But i don't know how to make her see how obvious it is without hurting her feelings or getting in a fight with her. I don't know what to do or say. I've talked to FIL about it too and he knows it and notices it. And he's talked to her too. It just hurts me so much because i know it hurts DS1.

    Comment by outstandingLove (original poster) at 1:58 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I think if this is damaging your brother, then maybe it's time to stop worrying about grandmas feelings. Of course, I can't say exactly, since I don't know the situation, but just hearing about it, I think I would have to tell grandma that I cannot have her hurting my kids this way. Your responsibility is first to them, not to her. I know, she's not TRYING to be mean, but I just wonder if deep inside she feels like she doesn't really HAVE to give special attention to your brother because he's not really related.... I dunno, hard situation.

    Answer by Adelicious at 2:09 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Would she go to family or couples counseling with you and your spouse?

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:36 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • LOL
    well, first that would be difficult because my spouse is in germany. second, she is a psychology student in the process of achieving her PhD.

    Comment by outstandingLove (original poster) at 7:46 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

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