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I'm a mum, but i'm not sure how to tell my 6-year-old that having two mums is not normal?

I'm a lesbian, and happily married to a beautiful girl, but i'm not sure how to tell little Damyra about lesbianism.

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Asked by allysmum at 2:39 PM on Oct. 4, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (14)
  • Why would having two female parental figures be abnormal? Do you think you're abnormal for being married to a girl? I don't think you're weird or any different from me.

    Just sit them down and explain that some women love men and some women love women. Also, tell them that some men love women and some men love men. If you act like it's weird or strange then they'll wonder why you're with a girl if you think it's weird.

    It's the 21st century, we can't be teaching our kids that homosexual relationships are not normal. They're very normal, and are part of our future, and there's nothing we can do to stop it.

    Answer by caitxrawks at 2:48 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • As with any big topic, be honest, but keep it simple. Has she asked anything about it? A lot of experts say don't say anything unless asked, it could confuse them. I would tell her something along the lines of: Many families have a Mommy and Daddy, but some people have other types of families that are just as special. Our family happens to have two mommies. Maybe give other examples, like a mommy and a grandma, or just a mommy or just a daddy. I personally wouldn't tell her anything about it not being considered "normal". Let her grow up as much as possible with the love you share in your home, before she has to face some people's prejudices. This way, she can be full of self-esteem and know that while her family may be different, it is a family full of love.


    Answer by chillemi78 at 2:54 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • You could tell him he's lucky because he has two mommies! Then you can explain sometimes two women can love eachother and get married like a man and a woman do. No big deal! Keep it light and casual and good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • The fact is--a child can have only one "mommy". (Don't go into the adoption scenario--there is a difference between a bio mom and an adoptive mom.) But having two "mommies" in a house is not right and there really is no way to explain that to a child. A baby horse out in the field doesn't "belong" to all the other mares--it has one mom. That is they way nature made it. Cows will take turns watching the little ones but that doesn't make them "mom" to every other calf except their own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • This irritates me just like when people have their children call someone aunt or uncle that are not even related. There is a reason they are called relatives!!!! Adoption obviously being the exception.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • I leave things alone unless asked and then I answer as honestly and completely as appropiate for their age. In case of 2 "mommies" until your child asks just go on, I agree with the first posters opnions it was awesome. And then when they ask just explain that there are all diff. kinds of families some have just 1 parent, some 2, some more and that they have 2 mommies. Then fill in further as asked and appropiate.

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 4:35 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • I think what you're trying to say is "not typical" rather than not normal...that not everybody has two mommies. I would explain things slowly, and at the child's level. "a lot of times a child has one mommy and one daddy, but sometimes there are two mommies and no daddies, or two daddies and no mommies...we're a family with two mommies".

    Answer by kabbot01 at 9:38 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Just tell your child there are different types of families, some people have one parent, some people have parents and grandparents in the same home and some people have two mommies! I wouldn't worry to much he probably won't ever ask, because it's normal for him to have two mommies :)

    Answer by TatuMama07 at 10:09 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Who says having two mums is not 'normal'? Besides, why do you want to confuse a six year old right now? She'll learn on her own in her own way and own time, that having two mums can be very normal and acceptable. Don't let your own insecurities about being a lesbian affect how you raise your child. If you want to tell her about being a lesbian, keep it short, simple and sweet and age appropriate.

    Answer by Donna1 at 1:28 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • At our Unitarian church, the preschool kids played a game about families. Everyone there made a puppet of one family member (sister, dog, dad, mom, etc...). Then they were randomly chosen to build a family. One family might have a grandma, a dad and two kids. Another family might have two moms, a sister and a cat. None of the kids in class had gay or lesbian parents, so they didn't quite "get" the idea of two moms or two dads. But at such a young age, the point was just to say there are many types of families. The teacher also made the point that families are about love, not about a certain set of people. Perhaps you could play something similar with your child, to point out the many types of families. I don't think you need to say that your family is not "normal," though. With all the divorce, remarriage, and single parents, who is really normal, anyway?

    Answer by yarnjunkie at 4:19 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

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