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do u ever think about leaving? i do.

i have been with my dh for 10 years in april 2011 , we have only been married since 2007 , we have had 4 children , 7, 5, and 13months, one deceased, i am a sah mom and i rarely get any help from him with the kids,,, he works full time most times overtime, and he does support us money wise , but i just feel so drained i never get time for myself, i feel like he talks down to me alot ( he doesnt feel that way) when he gets home all he talks about is work, i have lately been thinking maybe i should just leave and try it on my own ... i love him dearly and so do the kids but ijust feel sooo unappreciated when it comes to him, i feel like all he wants is a babysitter and a maid and he is satisfiedd, how do i get him to see my point and understand? any advice is helpful and needed... thank you so much for taking the time to answer jamie


Asked by jjpnelson at 3:01 AM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (183 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • My Dh doesn't appreciate me at home. He actually said (after I called him lazy for not wanting to get up and do something) that it wasn't fair for ME to call HIM lazy because I didn't work at all, and I just sat around playing with a kid all day. His house is clean, his meals are cooked, and he can just relax at night because of how hard I work during the day, but in the end... he's right. I do get to see my Dd grow up and play with her all day. Maybe instead of sitting back and just listening to him talk about work, you can talk to him about something that interests you both. Read the news, about any topic, science, education, literature... and discuss it with him. Have a grown up conversation. Also, tell him how much you are grateful that he can go to work everyday and that he enables you to stay home with the kids. If you want appreciation, you have to give it first.

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 6:08 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Tell him straight out how you feel and how he makes you feel and if he doesn't want to hear you out or try to do something different then maybe you and him need to find someone that will help you with this situation i believe divorce should be the last thing you should look at. You are pretty much raising these children on your own so you know how it will be with just you and the children and the only thing that you will have to worry about which is big is money, rent, bills. Maybe you all need to see someone professional. GL to you both I hope this relationship can be saved. It takes two to make a marriage work. So you both need to be on the same page.

    Answer by raemommy at 3:08 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Being a SAHM you will always feel less than appreciated. It's a hard job. Your husband talks incessantly about work because that's all he does and all he has to talk about.
    Have I ever thought about leaving? Yes and I did. I made the biggest mistake ever and I'm lucky he took my sorry ass back. I felt the same way as you. My husband appreciated me, he just didn't know how to express it.
    Talk to your husband, tell him how you feel. Good luck

    Answer by theutilitarian at 3:06 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • If you feel you can make it on your own..and there is nothing left between you and your husband than do it. If anything you may end up realizing the feelings you have for each other all over again. Good luck on whatever you do.

    Answer by dbodani at 3:07 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • My SO used to just come home and talk, sometimes complain about work, oneday i just told him that the only part of his job I care about is the pay check so I don't want to hear about what went on there any more. I'm almost positive I used more profane language LOL I'm sure I could have said it better because he felt bad afterward but I was like 6mos pregnant, moody, and annoyed.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 3:14 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I do know how you feel. Maybe he just doesn't know how to show his appreciation. My dh works out in the heat all day and sometimes I forget how extra tiring that can be. As long as there is still love there is no reason to leave. Talking is the best way to work out things. Sometimes you do need a mediator an un bias one :) men need to be told what is going on constantly

    Answer by crazymom21 at 3:30 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Talk to him, our men are so oblivious sometimes. Its like we have to spell it out to them sometimes. Ask him to remember to thank you for all you do. I am sure you have told him how much it hurts you when he talks down to you, keep trying. Stay calm and the sweetness that will pour out of you will break him down. Believe me you will get more out of him with sweetness rather than bitterness and anger. Praying for you and your family.

    Answer by cynthiaesquivel at 3:33 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • have you tried talking to him and letting him know how you feel? have you thought about getting a part time job yourself to get out of the house? or maybe even volunteering somewhere, just for your sake. I've stayed at home with my kids a few times never more then 3 months but it gets draining and it messed up my self esteem sooo bad, I felt useless and I felt like my husband didn't understand like other things mattered to him more and I decided to go back to work each time, I got a part time job and he'd watch the kids when I was at work and I'd watch the kids when he was at work. So it was a balance and everything else became a balance also. I feel like a wife, and a mom now, not just a maid. I was able to help with the bills and had my own money to spend how ever I wanted, if I wanted a pedicure I no longer had to convince my husband to give me the money for it. GL.

    Answer by babyangelromero at 4:58 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Lately I have, I have been in the same situation as you only difference is we had a blow up last month, (June 14) to be exact, and some of the events that took place that day has now got me making plans to be able to make it on my own "just in case) I do leave.-But that's just me. I would suggest you sit down and have a talk with him and if that don't seem to work, write him a letter telling him how you feel, and leave it where he can read it by himself.

    Answer by ladysea8 at 9:02 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • be open and honest by letting him know how you feel. you are burdened by being the sahm and he is burdened by being the sole bread winner. you guys need to come up with a happy medium

    Answer by 3xangel at 11:51 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

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