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2 Bumps

If you were married for 30 yrs and your DH died how long would it take for you to start dating again?

my sister in law has has the same man for 30 yrs and everyone thought she would never move on after her husband's death, it has been a yr and she has a new "honey" in her life....

Don't read into it and think I'm bashing her or anything....she is happy and that is what counts.....

 
togo90210

Asked by togo90210 at 3:06 AM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (6,374 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • my friend lost her hubby to cancer after 15 years of marriage....nobody thought she would move on either....she took it really really hard...but in just over a year's time, she had someone else and was very happy....she still talks sometimes about missing her husband, but she honestly has moved on....i'm not sure that there is a time line...i just think if the right person comes along at the right time, it just happens....i just read one helluva book about dealing with one's own death....and it was incredible....and I think it would help a lof of people find peace for themselves after a loved one dies from something like cancer...not sure if it would help in the case of an accident or not, but with the concepts discussed in the book, I think if a person was able to absorb all of it, and truly understand it all on a deep level, one could move on faster....
    FXmomTo3

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 5:01 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Every one is different and move on at their own pace. Just be there for them and respect their choices. I'm sure they didn't anticipate ever moving on and if the new person is good to them then filling that lonliness is a blessing. Good luck.
    zadesmom1998

    Answer by zadesmom1998 at 3:24 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I honestly don't think that I could...It'd be so hard, I lost a baby boy a little over a year ago and its sooo hard on us still. I still mourn him and all. I'm pregnant again but not planned I got pregnant on the depo shot. I took it really hard I was gonna give the baby up for adoption, I was not emotionally stable and especially when it was something I was trying to prevent! I took it extra hard when I found out I'm having a boy because I didn't want this little boy to replace my son that passed away but then I managed to get over it and realize that this baby is his own individual and he wasn't placed here to make me upset he's a blessing. I don't think I could move on after my husbands death I think if I even began to try it'd be years before I considered dating someone els.e
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 4:52 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I have a friend whose husband died and she started dating 4 months after his death. Everyone judged her for it. Honestly, whatever feels right for the person. I'm really not sure how long it would take me.
    theutilitarian

    Answer by theutilitarian at 3:08 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I would never actively search for someone, but if someone was interested in me, it would take me several years to be able to be with them, but then again, I've never had a relationship outside my Dh.
    MomtoElliett

    Answer by MomtoElliett at 3:22 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I'm not sure how long I would wait but my mom moved on within months of my dads death. Us kids didn't judge her for it. If someone comes along that makes you feel right then I say go for it. Life is for the living and the dead really don't care what we are doing here. I say to each their own(happiness:)
    crazymom21

    Answer by crazymom21 at 3:25 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I probably would not date. I have been married for 7 years and if something happen to my dh...I would not date. I feel it would be too traumatic for our son and afraid the guy would not be decent.

    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 3:38 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Well my sons father passed away when he was 3 months old and it took me 20 months to move on. I was not looking for someone this man came along and we saw one another for a few months off and on then I broke things off and 3 years later I meant my hubby now and he is the one for me my sole mate without a second thought.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:46 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I kind of liked the dating scene. I got to do a lot more when I was dating. However, I would be more selective in who I would go out with.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 8:09 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • My dad died when I was 7 - my parents had been married for 13 years. My mom was dating within 6 months of his death, and remarried 18 months after his death. It sounds a little quick, but she and my stepdad have been married for 26 years now and I am so glad he was around as a "father figure" while I was growing up. He's an amazing man and I don't fault her at all for wanting someone new in her life.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:42 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

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