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2 Bumps

Falling apart

i feel like my family is falling apart. My uncle by marriage, we recently lost my aunt, has been dating, the first girl was CRAZY stalkerish and has finally gone away, now he is moving a woman in who is leaving her husband with her three kids, which is fine. But when this woman left her 1st husband to move onto her 2nd she used this man to buy her house and tells my uncle she feels trapped because he owns her house. Still fine with me, but my older sister and mother are freaking out and giving him such a hard time about it and dont want to talk to him anymore, i love my uncle and dont plan to do this, but then my mom gets mad and so does my sister. This woman will either stay or go and its not my choice and honestly i could care less about this drama its just now my uncle is upset at all of us, he says he isn't but i wrote him, because im too emotional to call, and told him i love him and he says all this crap that hurt me.WTF

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smilelovesmile

Asked by smilelovesmile at 9:30 AM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 11 (526 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • things like i couldnt ever miss my aunt like he misses her and until i lived in their house without her i wont ever know real hurt. The thing is i am and have been hurting about my Aunt since before she even died, because it was Cancer and we knew it was coming. So i have been mourning her since before, i dont think he ment to hurt my feelings and make it seem like i dont actually grieve for her but he did and im so upset, i have been crying about my aunt almost everyday since she died over a year ago, i loved her more than anything and now all this and i just HATE IT
    smilelovesmile

    Comment by smilelovesmile (original poster) at 9:33 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Honestly, it is wrong for your mother and your sister to expect you to jump on their bandwagon just because they feel a certain way. You have the right to remain nuetral or to side with your uncle if you wish, either way they shouldn't be mad at you for it. If they have negative feelings towards what your uncle is doing then they need to direct that towards him. They are being childish by being upset with you just because you're not rallying up against your uncle. Ontop of that they're being petty by not speaking to him due to his choice to move this women in. It isn't their choice, it isn't your choice, and whether your Uncle ends up married for fifty years or not is up to him/her. Either way it's not anyone else's concern. I can understand looking out for your uncle, wanting the best for him, and what-not, but it's not fair to rally family against him. Don't let them do that to you.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:36 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Why and who your Uncle with is really no ones business unless it is harming your family somehow. Im sure he knows that the relationships might not last and really doesn't need to be reminded of that. It's his life and I can see why he is so upset, people are trying to tell him what to do and how he should feel after your Aunt passed. I don't think that he meant to hurt you when he wrote you back. I think he was just lashing out because of everything he has had to deal with. Everyone deals with loss in there own way.

    Write him again, but don't mention your Aunt or how much you miss her.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 9:42 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • No one should be mad at you for your relationship with your uncle, they are being selfish and childish. I lost my best friend to cancer last spring, I understand how hard it is watching someone you love die.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:42 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Yes, your mother & sister need to leave him alone. He has every right to try & move along with his life. It is very selfish of them to be upset at the decisions that HE HAS A RIGHT TO MAKE. they need to leave him alone & let him live his life the way he wants to. would they rather him live alone & be lonely & sad the rest of his life? I be tyour aunt would want him to find a good woman to love him. Tell them to mind their own business.

    As for the letter, take it with a grain of salt. He is still grieving & probably is so sad & hurt that he thinks no one could be hurting as bad as he. It's tough having to realize that the person you thought you'd grow old with is gone. He is probably grieving differently than you, his pain is probably different. Don't allow his letter to upset you. He is probably very depressed & maybe wrote that letter during a very painful evening.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:43 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I think you were brave and loving to reach out to your uncle that way and also by removing yourself from the pettiness going on with you mom and sister. I know your uncle must be hurting very badly and sometimes out of that hurt people can be very careless and rude. It was careless and rude for him to deny that you are hurt and mourning for your aunt. Your whole family has a right to mourn in the way that they need to. It is hard to be the one who remains open when other people are closing themselves off, but I encourage you to continue to do that. Sometimes families really need those who are like hinges and glue to hold the pieces together. No easy place to be, but your heart, though broken, encourages healing which is better than hardness and bitterness of heart which is like a poison.
    NikkiMomof2grls

    Answer by NikkiMomof2grls at 9:48 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Your mother and sister have no right to judge if you continue your relationship with your uncle or not. I am sorry that when you went out of your way to contact your uncle he was disrespectful to you. Give it some time and give him a call when you feel less emotional about your aunt's passing. People grieve in different ways and maybe in his case he needs to feel needed and with a woman in his life. My condolences to you and good luck maintaining the relationship.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 10:54 AM on Aug. 3, 2010

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