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does anyone believe that law enforcement changes a person personality/disposition?

My DH has been working for a county jail for the past 5 years...hes always had a lil issues w always being in control but it has escalated over the years....i have actually had to point some things out to him when he comes home and even in a nice way after my kids or myself head has been taken off. He talks to us like we are little soldiers and i have had it with the macho attitude!! He is also a defense tactics instructor and ive noticed over the years as well is more agressive! This is just a question to see if its just me or does other mothers/wives/gf have this issue thats a lil hard to deal with?

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HOTMOMS23

Asked by HOTMOMS23 at 3:50 PM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Money & Work

Level 4 (40 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Sounds like the "power" has gone to his head. Maybe you need to set down with him, when the children are sleeping, and have a one on one talk with him about this. Tell him how everybody feels and how he's making you all feel.
    elly25

    Answer by elly25 at 3:54 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • thanks elly25 im going to try again ..he doesnt see it so maybe it will work this time
    HOTMOMS23

    Comment by HOTMOMS23 (original poster) at 3:57 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Yes, absolutely. I worked in a Correctional Center for 13 years. It totally changed my personality. I was aggressive but not physically. Zero Tolerance and a very short fuse. The environment just makes you that way. It's like you are always on alert. You can never relax. It's the danger aspect of the job. You develop eyes in the back of your head. It's like you live on a different level of anxiety than other people. Like you cannot let out a breath. It's an attack reaction to always having to be on guard. I have since left there and I am a different person. The more time you spend away, the more the job leaves you. It's a world unlike any other & then you go home. Your DH sees things that you cannot imagine in your wildest dreams. I left to get pregnant & could eventually go back but we'll see. I enjoyed my job but you also need a break. If it becomes a problem for you, encourage your DH to seek counseling. He needs an outlet.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:02 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • WOW..thank you for that ....i do understand that his job is hectic..and the contact w certain ones can be diff...but i feel our family is paying the price...he wont open up to me about alot but i agree TOTALLY he needs an outlet for sure!
    HOTMOMS23

    Comment by HOTMOMS23 (original poster) at 4:09 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • This is the Most common complaint for spouses of Jail Guards & Police. That is why they have a very high rate of divorce & alcoholism. Just let him read what I wrote & let him know you understand. Let him talk to the older guys who have been there a while (who aren't divorced or an alcoholic) and ask how they managed it. He's got a long career ahead of him & a proftable one too so work with him to manage the stress now. You are his best friend too. My DH would just grab me by the shoulders at times & say "just relax" in my face. You need someone to put you in a reality check every now & then. Good Luck and remember it's very common. Ask anyone who has been there a while, they know the deal.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:38 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • You have no idea seriously how this has helped me alone...i will definitely pass this on>>>again thank you
    HOTMOMS23

    Comment by HOTMOMS23 (original poster) at 4:40 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Your welcome! :)
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 4:47 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • My husband is a 22+ years police sergeant. I went through some of what you are describing early on in our marriage. I have tried to be sensitive to the fact that he had to be on guard and in control while on duty ... it's necessary for his safety ... but I made it clear from day one that he was allowed to have a bad day and perhaps come home in a bad mood like anyone in any job but that I was not one of the criminals he arrested and that I would not put up with that attitude. I have a fairly strong personality and have no problem speaking up and he sometimes just needed someone to get in his face and tell him to knock it off since it seemed he couldn't make the transition himself.
    FootballMom85

    Answer by FootballMom85 at 7:35 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

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