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How would you approach this?

My hubby has been going out a lot. No- this isn't going where you think it is. He's not cheating on me. He went out Friday and Saturday night with his guy friends. I asked him if I could go out Tuesday (now tonight) with my sister to paint pottery. She's going off to college in three weeks, and I will miss her terribly! Then ThursdayI'm going to the ribs burnoff/Chris Young concert with a friend. He is having a cow because I'm going out two nights this week and he'll have to watch the kids. We've had this discussion over and over- he just doesn't understand my need to get out because I don't have a "paying job" where I leave the house. I am home all day with the kids. I don't complain when he goes out with his friends, but when I want to go out- he freaks out about having to be "home with four kids all night". What can I say to make him understand, without starting a fight?

 
SAHMomOf3

Asked by SAHMomOf3 at 4:07 PM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,874 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • First, I would ask him what he thinks you do when he is out with his friends and how this is any different? Because obviously it is not. Second, I would just go and not feel bad and not try to reason it out with him. Sometimes men just like to complain and act like the world has been asked of them. He doesn't have to stay home so you can go out and be excited about it and be pushing you out the door, it just matters that he can stay home so you can go out whether he likes it or not. Don't let your Mommy/Wife guilt keep you from having a good time. You know that it isn't unfair what you are asking so remind yourself of that and enjoy your break. Maybe when you come home stroke his ego a bit and tell him he did a good job or that the kids said they had fun with Daddy. And if he screws something up don't mention it.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:33 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I've been there done that, tell him that just because you don't have a paying job that being at home with your kids 24 hours a day seven days a week and not getting time off is the same as working at a job 24/7 without getting paid. Try to make him understand that you need adult interaction to stay sane or there's going to be problems eventually. You do need to get out and away from the kids some times even if you don't have a paying job to go out to.
    Tabatha42183

    Answer by Tabatha42183 at 4:16 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Tell him you'll make sure they are fed,have had their bathes and are in their PJs.Then when you are walking out the door,give him a kiss,and tell him 'thanksbaby for letting me have this night.Your'e a sweetheart". That always worked for me.Good luck & have fun. : )
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 4:19 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I'd just have to start a fight! lol....no really--my hubby is very understanding about me "having girl time" so he understands it....But, if he didn't we would have some serious talks-because he knows: "If momma ain't happy-then nobody's happy!"... hugs-and good luck with him-men are terrible communicators-(but that is another post! lol)....
    Happy-Duckof6

    Answer by Happy-Duckof6 at 10:51 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Clearly he feels you can do it better than him. He is probably not used to whatever routine you all have worked out and maybe he feels like he is going to do something wrong. Tell him to have fun with it, play games, whatever.
    MeghMirab

    Answer by MeghMirab at 4:16 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • When he freaks out about having to be "Home with four kids all night", tell him to Welcome to Your World. He gets to talk to other people everyday, you talk to the kids. He gets to get out, have lunch with friends, you are constantly making lunches. Constantly getting something for someone, always. His "Home with four kids" get to come to an end when you get home. It NEVER ends for you. And you will not get a real break until they are all in school. So, BE QUIET AND WATCH YOUR KIDS!!!

    For the most part I am a SAHM. My life revolves around my three boys. So I have left the kids with my husband all day so he can get a taste. He knows going off to work is much easier than staying home and taking care of the needs of three kids. Plus the two of us..... GOOD LUCK!!!
    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 4:17 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • ughh i feel you my bf is like that but i tell him like this if you want to go out and have fun y cant i do the same n if he wont let me go out next time he wants to go out i dnt let him either so he gives up n takes care of our daughter its not fair we're home all day with the kids so why cant they do the same just cuz we dnt have a paying job thats bs find a job n make him pay child care lets see how much he spends on four kids...
    13liz13

    Answer by 13liz13 at 4:20 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • You didn't conceive four kids all on your own. He's just as responsible for their needs as you are and should spend time being a dad and not just the one who brings in the money. Every parent needs a break and he should be more considerate of what you do to raise a family and take care of the home. Being in a marriage and being a parent is about compromise and if he wants to have a tantrum about you getting some time away then try asking him how he'd feel if you threw a fit when he wants to go out.
    momof2inCT2007

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 5:37 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • when he starts to freak out let him know thats exactly how you feel when he leaves you to take care of the kids when hes out partying
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 11:20 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

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