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2 Bumps

friendship is to draining on me.

My cousin and i have grown up together and are very close until recently. Sadly 2 years ago she found out she had cancer 9 she is cancer free now and her husband also left her a few months before she found out. Since then she has became homeless and is now living with a second guy, the 1st one she moved in with got a restarining order on her for emailing, sitting in front of his house ( she claims its not true. She has 2 boys who are acting out because of the craziness I am guessing. She wont work because she thinks she cant anymore because she has chronic pain. She begged me for money because she said her mom wouldnt help only to find out after talking with my aunt that she did give her 300. I want to just point out all the messed up things she is doing but maybe I should just say nothing and be there for her. I know she will just say what she always says I didnt ask for cancer.

 
okmommy08

Asked by okmommy08 at 5:48 PM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,080 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I agree in that she needs to want to help herself. You can only do so much for her but she has to want to change. She's lied to you and I think that should come out in the open between you and her. From experience I can tell you that yes, it is hard because she is family and I am sure you love her and want to help her but you are probably better off distancing yourself just a little from her own personal situation. I am sure it hurts to see her go through what she's going through, but you mentioned she has 2 children, if that is not motivation enough for her to want to better herself then there's probably not much you can do. For now, I say be what you can be as far as moral support, someone for her to talk to, someone for her to cry with and continue to encourage her not only for herself but also her children. good luck
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 6:16 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • sorry youre going through this,I am going through with the same bs but I am becoming to realize that Worrying about everyone elses problems and bs,only makes me effed over in the end,and theres no point in me letting anybody else make me exhausted or sad or mad if they dont benefit me in my life...good luck!
    mommy16love

    Answer by mommy16love at 5:51 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Maybe you should sit down and have a real serious talk with her, let her know what you've noticed and how it's affecting you and your family. Try to do it in a helpful non confrontational way and let her know that you're here to help. If things don't change maybe you can distance yourself from her, but at least you'll know that you did all you could first.

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 5:52 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • The one thing you should point out is her telling you a lie about not getting help. She is not trying to better herself but just get handouts. Do not allow her to mooch off of you. You would only be enabling her in the end. And pointing out her issues is not going to help if it did not have anything to do with you just leave the rest alone. If you bring it up to her, she will find a way to make you feel bad and then you will feel guilty in the end. Don't fall into the trap. And don't set yourself up. I hope she can get it together though.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 5:55 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

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