Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Im considering being a....

Surrogate mother, or Atleast an egg donor. I'm a healthy, beautiful, 21 year old who has never smoked or done drugs her whole life. I can count how many times I've drank alcohol on one hand. I loved being pregnant and had a drug free delivery. My only concern is how in the hell can I give away a sweet baby after caring for it for 10 months? How can I talk my husband into supporting me? And I'm really concerned about having multiples. Have you been a surrogate or know someone who has? What were the pros and cons? Would you do it again or suggest it to a friend? I would love some encouragement or support. Thanks mommas!

Answer Question
 
momma_shuler

Asked by momma_shuler at 7:30 PM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Level 9 (341 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • No. It would be a very loving and extreamly giving thing to do though.
    momthruivf

    Answer by momthruivf at 7:33 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • i think you have to take your husband's feelings into consideration
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 7:34 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • It's a great thing that you are considering. I actually did a paper on it for college. I have not done it personally, nor do I think I could, but my suggestion would be don't use your own egg. Then you are really just growing someone else's child. Please though, think it through, make sure your DH is on board. I would also see a therapist to make sure you are strong enough to hand the baby over. Good luck and I wish you well! That is possibly the greatest gift you can give.
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 7:37 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • We have only talked about it once and it seems to me that his only concern is having to go through a whole pregnancy again and not getting to keep the baby in the end. But that's my concern too!
    momma_shuler

    Comment by momma_shuler (original poster) at 7:37 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • It's a requirement to go through therapy and I wouldn't use my own eggs for that reason exactly.
    momma_shuler

    Comment by momma_shuler (original poster) at 7:39 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • There are groups on CM for women considering becoming a surrogate. I agree with the others though you will need the full support of your husband. I am betting though, that some more research on it will help ease your husband's doubts.
    Erica_Smerica

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 7:39 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I have a friend who donated eggs several times to the same family. She doesn't regret it at all. The money helped her when she really needed it and she was able to really get to know the family she helped. They send her pictures every so often too.
    newmomma14

    Answer by newmomma14 at 7:40 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Thanks newmomma. Donating sounds great I'm just worried about all of the shots required, and I've never really had surgery. But also I just don't know if its worth the pain and suffering for $5000
    momma_shuler

    Comment by momma_shuler (original poster) at 7:46 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I have heard that it can be very rewarding try to talk more to your husband about it and find out what about it he doesn't like. I am sure I'd like to help someone in surrogacy and I have told my best friend that I would help her. You have to remind yourself that the baby does not belong to you, and think of what a great gift you will be giving to a loving family. Goodluck!
    SultryLadyBug

    Answer by SultryLadyBug at 8:51 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I'm seriously considering being a gestational surrogate myself. But the kicker for me is that, after having my second baby and spending most of the pregnancy not wanting her, and then having her and honestly wanting to leave her at the hospital because I didn't want to deal with her (I got over that and now love her just as much as my first)...I know, without a doubt, that I would have no issues giving the baby up at the end. I would love to be pregnant and give birth again, but knowing I wouldn't have a baby after it all would take care of the mental problems I had during my second pregnancy.

    I would not, however, donate my eggs or be a traditional surrogate because I don't want to give my baby to someone else.

    But that's just me.
    DragonRiderMD

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 9:58 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.