Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

I'm considering being a...

Surrogate mother, or Atleast an egg donor. I'm a healthy, beautiful, 21 year old who has never smoked or done drugs her whole life. I can count how many times I've drank alcohol on one hand. I loved being pregnant and had a drug free delivery. My only concern is how in the hell can I give away a sweet baby after caring for it for 10 months? How can I talk my husband into supporting me? And I'm really concerned about having multiples. Have you been a surrogate or know someone who has? What were the pros and cons? Would you do it again or suggest it to a friend? I would love some encouragement or support. Thanks mommas!

Answer Question
 
momma_shuler

Asked by momma_shuler at 7:32 PM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Adoption

Level 9 (341 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Open Arms is a great model of a beautifully functioning egg donation and surrogacy agency- You could google them, and ask some questions
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 7:36 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Thank you.
    momma_shuler

    Comment by momma_shuler (original poster) at 7:42 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • The birth mom group has had a few surrogates who ended up wanting to change their minds after their babies were born and it was really painful for them. Many moms bond with their children pre-birth. It's not as easy to let go of a child you have carried for 9 months as you might think. You can try to tell yourself it isn't really YOUR child, but, if you carry it, you may bond with it and not want to let it go. Sorry, that isn't encouragement, but you asked for pros and cons.

    As for talking your husband into it....guess I really don't think it is a good idea to do that. Know you said you'd love some encouragement or support, but, all I have is the truth as I see it.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:50 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I don't have any advice but I wanted to tell you that I think it is a wonderful thing to want to do. Good Luck.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 8:28 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • You love being pregnant, but are worried about giving the baby away. Wow, that is a huge concern. Maybe you can be referred to a counselor who has worked with surrogates and she can help you decide if you really would want to do that. Also, it would help to have a really good relationship with the parents and maybe you can propose getting to know them for months to a year before conception. Also, have a really good legal contract that covers your choices in a bunch of what-if situations. Like what if the child has xyz disability and one party wants to abort and the other doesn't. Or what if the child is not the gender that the couple wanted. Or what if there are multiples and one of the parties wants selective reduction? Etc.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 2:34 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Just have to put in my two cents, if you are required to take hormones, be sure you know the side effects and possible long term effects of taking them.
    TwoBrownDogs

    Answer by TwoBrownDogs at 9:03 PM on Aug. 18, 2010

  • bump and gl
    san78

    Answer by san78 at 6:37 AM on Aug. 26, 2010

  • Good luck
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 3:04 PM on Aug. 27, 2010

  • musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 12:40 PM on Oct. 1, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN