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2 Bumps

My husband has become so withdrawn...

My husband and I have a 15 month old daughter and are expecting our second girl this fall. Ever since we found out we were having another baby, he has become increasingly withdrawn and isolated. He plays with our daughter but seems to have lost interest in spending time with me. He goes out several nights a week and on the nights he doesn't he spends most of his time on the computer. I know he's not looking at porn, I've checked his computer thoroughly. And recently, his company downsized and he lost his job, which has made matters worse. He's been so childish and selfish lately and I'm really scared that this will continue after the baby is born. I don't really think he could be cheating, but at this point I can't figure out what else it could be. I'm usually not clingy or needy but I feel so isolated right now. What is happening and what should I do about it?

Answer Question
 
Kcampellone

Asked by Kcampellone at 8:05 PM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Men deal with stress differently than we do. He sounds like he is SO stressed out and he doesn't know how to deal with it. He prob wants to just cry... ( like we do ) My hub does this when he is stressed. Chin up!
    1lilgirl

    Answer by 1lilgirl at 8:09 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • It sounds like he is feeling jealous and depressed. It seems like he probably feels like you spend a lot of time with the baby and when there are two of them that you won't have any time for him. Did he want another baby? Was it expected? I would say that he is also depressed over the fact that he lost his job.
    As pregnant women we need time and attention from our spouse. I think that you should talk to him and tell him that you feel neglected.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 8:10 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • We're talking about a married man with one child and another on the way, who has recently lost his job. He's probably feeling the weight of the responsibility of a family with no means to care for them - and responding poorly (whether he's cheating or not). You need to talk with him.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 8:11 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • what they said- stress and depression is what it sounds like
    charlotsomtimes

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 8:13 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • It sounds like he's depressed, which is pretty normal when you lose your job and feel like you can't provide for your family.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 8:13 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • sorry youre having to go through this especially being pregnant! Was this second child planned by you and your spouse? Maybe he feels additional pressures with a new baby on the way to provide for you all financially. Its selfish of him to be leaving you alone night after night. Have you tried to say look I know something is wrong it feels like you are withdrawling from our relationship and I think its unfair that I am being left home alone. Maybe he would open up to you, or he will just deny there is a problem. Do you have parents or a close friend who could watch your other child while you spend some time alone. It dosent have to be expensive you could even just have an overnight at home by yourselves. If he still continues this and wont open up to you maybe you should seek a therapist or a clergy person who could help.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 8:18 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • There has to be a line of communication opened as soon as possible, we can speculate until we are blue in the face but you need to find out what is going on by asking, maturely sitting down and tell him what you have told us. Remember those vows in the poorest of times and in the best, these classify as the worst and it needs to be spoken out and dealt with before that wedge you now feel gets worse.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:21 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I agree with the other mamas that he's probably depressed (and yes, handling it wrong).

    My only advice is: whatever you do, don't treat him like the child that he's currently acting like. Treat him like the man you want him to be.
    mogencreative

    Answer by mogencreative at 8:21 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • maybe he is stressed and not happy about the pregnancy. if its starting to get to you then you need to have a talk with him.
    3xangel

    Answer by 3xangel at 8:47 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • It could be that he already felt displaced in your affections and with baby #2 on the horizon, he thinks he's really been moved to the back burner. Do you go out of your way to show him appreciation, to compliment him, and to make him know that he is still the top priority in your life? The loss of his job is another whammy, and it means that he needs you to brag on him even more than when he was working. Respect is so very important to a man, and he needs it more from his wife than from anyone else. I advise against talking to him about what is wrong. That will only make him feel more inferior than he already does. If you will start doing the things I mentioned above and then listen very closely to everything he says, he will tell you what's been eating at him. A good wife has to learn to listen between the lines to understand her husband. When you say, "We need to talk," he will immediately go into hiding.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:51 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

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