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What limits did you place on your newly adult child?

I have a daughter who graduated high school this year in June at the age of 18 and then turned 19 a month later.

All summer long I have let her do what she wanted: Sleep in until the afternoon, go out and come home whenever she wants (she's a homebody, though), and pretty much lounge around with her 16 year old sister being lazy.

Of course, she does her household chores like everyone else and before school ended she showed an interest in joining the Navy.

I'm curious, though. When my 16 year old goes back to school at the end of this month, should I give my 19 year old an ultimatum? What is usually done?

I am only looking for suggestions or examples of what you have done...I want to help her.

Thanks ladies!


Asked by PrydferthMenyw at 8:07 PM on Aug. 3, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 19 (6,685 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • My mom would have made me go to school or work....and only working meant helping to pay that age its time to be responsible...shes could end up like hubbys mom..shes still got her 23 year old at home, barely helping with the electric bill and showing ZERO signs of moving on.

    At some point in time they have to learn that life isnt a free ride, not saying you would have to do it suddenly...but i would definitely discuss some options. talk to her, ask her what happened to the navy. Or how she feels about finding a job...since school is starting back maybe some kids a leaving and she can find a PT job til she figures something out. But allowing her to just lounge on your couch is a disaster waiting to happen IMO

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 8:20 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • im not into the whole "pay me rent" thing. my parents never and would never make me pay rent. but i do think you should encourage her to figure our what she wants to do wether its apply to a university, start off at your local community college, join the navy, etc.
    i think its nice for parents to help financially support there kids through college, let them enjoy there college years, because after that its all over.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 8:16 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I wasn't allowed to just sit around & mooch off my parents, I had to either be a full-time student or a full-time employee somewhere. I wasn't expected to pay rent, but I was expected to save towards my own first place. I was also expected to be considerate of my parents & respect their home by not disrupting their lives.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 8:17 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • What I did was stress the importance of an education and finding something she was good at, to strive to make a future for herself and never have to depend on any man or anyone to survive.

    Answer by older at 8:17 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • Not in your position as I have all young ones, but when my brother came of age, she gave him some time (the summer I think), then told him he needed to get a job. He assists a little with some bills and food at times, but like your daughter, he is a homebody. He doesn't need much, he stays in his room and plays on the computer. My mom doesn't restrict him or set rules on him, but that's because he doesn't go out, he doesn't drive, he just wants to be left alone.

    Answer by Desi_Momof4 at 8:12 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • My parents said you either go to school or pay rent. They did have house rules we had to follow too. We didn't have a curfew, but they did expect us to let them know of our comings and goings. We had specific chores to do, and if we wanted to have a party, we did have to get permission. It wasn't much different from when we were under 18, other than our curfew was lifted.

    Answer by jwaren at 8:12 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I think kids should go on to some sort of schooling or training after high school. Jobs are so hard to come by and those with further education/training will have better chances of being hired. One of our boys went to college the other went to a technical school. It doesn't have to be college. It can be hairdressing school, car mechanics training.........any training for a skilled profession. It's great she has an interest in the Navy, I think that is a fabulous alternative too. Good luck!

    Answer by elizabr at 8:16 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • My parents didn't really set limits on my sister & I after we each turned 18; it was actually a little earlier for me (I graduated at 17). As long as we took college classes or had a job, they were fine. As far as things like curfews go... Once they're 18, there's not much you can do.

    Answer by Kassey713 at 8:31 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • This happened with 2 of my children. My oldest started college then dropped out. Told to her toget a job. She actually had the nerve to tell me I work full time there is no reason I can't support her. Gave her 2 weeks to find a job or move out. She moved out. Lives on her own, but found out she needed a job the hard way. My son started school then dropped out and I told him job and he did get one. Within 1 month of working as a cook at a local bar he joined the navy. He said he can't live the rest of his life working a below minimum wage job. Lately, he told me he was sorry he dropped out of school. Life and learn. BTW, have another daughter who dropped out of college to join the Air Force and my last daughter stayed in college and is working on her degree in early childhood education.

    Does that answer your question?

    Answer by momx3gx1b at 9:25 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • None. They are adults... Generally, I don't see a reason for limits in the first place, I'm very free range with my kids... They know what is expected of them and unless they give me a reason not to trust them, I let them go about doing what they will... Once they turn 18 or graduate HS (whichever is second) they will have the option of going to school and working part time while living with me, or moving out and supporting themselves. I don't believe it's healthy for a child to be held back by parent's who want to coddle them beyond adult hood...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:53 PM on Aug. 3, 2010