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Is it a problem I date?

My daughter is 17. However I have been divorced since she was 11 and she seems so upset whenever I date. She even lies to get the guys in trouble just so I won't like them. She acts like I can have no life and thinks that she is being lied to if I don't tell her in advance. I never was married to her father because he was my college sweetheart.

I am almost 40 now and want to date and I feel I will lose her if I do. What do I do just wait until she goes to college next year? I have had a male friend for 16 years and we finally have agreed that we might take the step to dating but again she became upset when she saw him hug me goodbye and informed me that she should of been told ahead of time. I mean she has a social life...I have put everything in my life on hold for years. What should I do? I let he make her own mistakes and she has dated guys I hate however I let her.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on Aug. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • It's very typical. You can't fault her, as she is very insecure about losing her mom. Sounds like you two have been together as a team for a while now. All you can do is to try and include her in in things that you can all do together. Make sure he is properly introduced and not just coming over and hopping into bed with you (sorry to be so blunt), but with a child in the home, even an older child, it's something you really have to be careful of- you don't want to send the wrong message.


    Answer by m-avi at 10:08 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • First of all, you are the parent and do not need to inform your daughter of anything. Having said that I think you need to take her feelings into consideration. Sit down w/ her and tell her you have decided you put your life on hold long enough and you are going to start seeing your friend and she can consider herself told. Ask her what the problem is, she may be afraid of losing you, or your love. Assure her this isn't going to happen but that you are ready for a social life.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 10:09 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I'm in a very similar situation, but we have to realize that life is too short, and if we want to date, then we should. Your daughter should not worry about what you're doing in your spare time, it is none of her business. Go date, be safe, and have fun.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 10:09 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • hi. I can only speak for myself when I tell you that I have put my life on hold for my kids. I have been a single parent for 7 yrs and Ive dated 3 guys. I kept all of it seperate from my kids. The last guy I dated really had a problem with this, but he honestly didnt like kids in general. Sometimes I look back and think what would have happened if bf #1 came into our lives, or bf #2. I didnt end up with any of them on a more serious level and honestly, my kids didnt need to see that crap. I am so afraid of my going to be a senior dd having this reaction that I have kept it all seperate. Hang on for one more year hon, keep it all seperate cause its so important for her at this point that you are there for her. If you want to talk pm me...

    Answer by beyondhopes at 10:11 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • YOU are the parent, not her. She's 17, of course she has a social life! She doesn't have the authority or right to tell you if you can date or not. It's not her business unless things become serious. I understand not wanting to lose your daughter, but I really don't think that you will because you decided to date someone. Have you tried sitting down and talking to her about why it bothers her so much? If she's open to the idea, and you are as well, you might be able to find some help in family counseling. My guess is that she's somewhat resentful of the separation from her father and she's taking that out on you.

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 10:54 PM on Aug. 3, 2010

  • I was 11 when my mom started dating again after her divorce and as an adult now I can def look back with a different perspective and know what I as a parent would have done differently. My mom dated a handfull of guys over the years before remarrying and it was hard, I wish she would have explained to me how important it was to her to find someone to be with. Maybe you could do that with your daughter, and also reassure her it won't change your relationship with her. I also wish my mom wouldn't have brought home every guy she dated, only serious ones, I didn't need to meet every guy she was interested in. I hope that helps! GL!

    Answer by newmomma14 at 9:57 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • You're allowed to date. Like one PP said you are the parent she is the child. Don't let her dictate what you do. If you want to date she needs to get over it. She's almost 18 and needs to act like an adult instead of a spoiled 8 yr old.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:47 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • When I got custody of my two nieces in 2003 and 2005, my social life came to a complete halt. I was in the house changing diapers, heating milk, and rocking them to sleep. I was turning down invitations from my friends, I was not having it, I wanted to be home. I soon realized that this was not fair to me, and I started dating again, and my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. He love my son and my nieces, and we have fun together. His house is much bigger than mine, and he has all this land where the kids can have a ball. My point is, go do it, stop worrying about how your kid will react.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 6:56 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

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