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Did I assault his character?

So hubby and I had a huge fight this morning over the stupidest things. Long story short I did rip into him because he always loud and curses a lot stomps around huffs and puffs whenever he's upset and takes it out on those around him. Will accuse you of moving things, breaking them etc. then even when proven wrong will not apologize. I finally blew my top and told him I'm done and as for all his cussing it's stupid shows lack of intelligence and limited vocab, it's not cute or funny does not make you grown up. and does not feel good to the person on the other end. He said I assulated his character? Maybe I owe him an apology for just unloading on him but I don't feel I assulted his character. He grew up in a home with a mom who has a trash can mouth an in their home the loudest one wins. I can't take it. Mind you he used to be worse and has gotten better but ugh!

 
j45505

Asked by j45505 at 10:46 AM on Aug. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (140 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Maybe you did in a sense assault his character, and perhaps you could have pointed this weakness out to him in a gentler way. The bottom line is, though, that he knows you told him the truth, and he didn't like hearing it. I try to live my life by the Bible, which says that we are to speak the truth in love. The sad fact of the matter is that no matter how hard you try to point out weaknesses in love, it never feels like love. What I would do if I were you is tonight when he gets home, tell him that you are sorry for the way you spoke to him but that you meant what you said. It's just that you know you could probably have stated it with a bit more kindness in your voice. Then leave it be and allow the truth to penetrate his heart.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:52 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • He's just sulking
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:47 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • This sounds like a time for the "I'm sorry that what I said upset you. And I probably could have said it a nicer way, but the core of what I said, is really how I feel and I think that you needed to hear that. Again, I'm sorry that I upset you." kind of apology.
    KaroGreenly

    Answer by KaroGreenly at 10:48 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • LOL! Insulting his character....that's hilarious! No, you told him the truth & he can't handle it. You did well. We don't let those we love act like idiots.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:49 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • If he feels that the stomping and accusing and cussing are part of who he is, then yes you maligned his character. What you tried to get across to him, though, is that these are undesirable behaviors. I am thinking that he could benefit by anger control classes. Ask his doctor for recommendations. It won't be easy for him to stop this behavior because it's what he grew up with, and he'll want to stop it before it will work.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:51 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • sounds like he is trying to deflect taking responsability for his own actions and words by placing blame on you. i dont see how you assualted his characted, you assualted his poor actions and mistreatment of others. i woudl suggest trying to talk to him in ways that are less accusatory however. IE Honey, when you stomp around and cuss at me if makes me feel like you dont respect or value me as your wife. I really wish you could see how this hurts me and try to work harder on stopping from doing that. men dont handl accusations very well at all. maybe if you reword things so that its not a personal attack on HIM but explaining how you feel due to his actions it might help
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 10:50 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I would not aplogise. You were blunt with him yes, and if all you said was the truthful that is not an assult to his character....he just didn't like hearing the truth. Stay strong momma, don't back down. It needed to be said (probably a long time ago) good for you for speaking up. :-)
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 10:50 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • He does not see where cussing and stating what he thinks or how he feels is the same as cussing at a person I disagree especially if it always happens when you are upset.
    j45505

    Comment by j45505 (original poster) at 10:53 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • You were right in pointing out his behavior and he is not mature enough to handle it. Does he ever say he is sorry for his outbursts?
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 10:54 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Lord no we've been together for years now. Even when I prove him wrong he never apologizes just justifies why he had to right to think the other person was wrong. Well they did do xyz in the past or whatever but will not say your right I'm sorry.
    j45505

    Comment by j45505 (original poster) at 10:56 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

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