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3 Bumps

And he said.....

So I'm going back to school. I sat dh down to talk about it, how he may need to help me out with the kids sometimes, and stuff like that. He says "Yeah that's fine but stuff still needs to be done around the house" It made me kinda mad, like my job is being the maid, he never helps out with that stuff. It's always on me, except maybe 1 day out of the month he'll clean if we are out. But can you elieve that's what he worried about?!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:52 AM on Aug. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • That would make me mad too... you should both be doing things around the house.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 10:53 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • i would be a bit frustrated certainly. but if you are not working outside the home there should be not too many issues with you going to school AND doing housework. i assume he is workin?
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 10:55 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • He probably sees your using the excuse that you are going back to school plus need to study as an excuse to put all of the housework on him. He already puts in long hours at the job. He may also maintain the yard, the cars, any big jobs around the house, and he wants the chore division to be fair. If you work out a list of chores and who is responsible for what, it might set his mind at rest. Be sure to include on his list his full time job, car and lawn maintenance, and any other work he does around the house.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:56 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Yes, I can believe thats what he's worried about..he doesnt want to get stuck with it! LOL..thats the way some minds of men work. Try not to get upset about it, just deal with it as it comes. If it gets really bad..like no housework is getting done..make a chart and hang it on the fridge for what needs to be done each day. Tell him its not going to get done by itself and if he doesn twant to live in a nasty house then he needs to suck it up and help out.
    Good Luck..and congrats on going back to school :)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:56 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I think he's probably a little upset with you that you made this decision and now you are telling him what he's going to have to do to make it happen. These kinds of things need to be thoroughly discussed before the final decision is made or else one of the spouses feels like he/she is about to get the short end of the stick. In this case, that would be your hubby. He didn't marry a student. He married a wife, and he expects certain things of his wife, just as you now are expecting him to do certain things to make you a successful student. Unrealistic expectations are marriage killers, no matter what form they take. If he's not 100% behind your decision, then you better figure out a way to handle everything all by yourself. Because the resentment is going to grow and not become less. Every time he comes home to a messy house and no clean clothes, his resentment is going to go up a notch.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:58 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I say whoever is at home more should clean more. When I was gong to school full time and not working, I did all the cooking and cleaning and he watched the girls in the evening so I could do homework. When he was a SAHD I expected him to take care of everything while I was gone (the kids were in school during the day). I would just talk about the division of labor and come to an agreement.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 11:00 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • until the day comes when you can vendor out the house chores....he gets to help out. Where is his impulse to adopted on a lot of your stuff you you can do as best you can in school~

    clear expectation go along way...I'd get a giant calendar and map out all the hardest times (papers, tests). Have weekly family meetings checking in on stress levels and people's needs, but hose times on the calendar~the house is going to have to wait or he and the kids and get the good done.

    be sure to eat together and fix food when you are switched off school~you don't want worry or stress getting into the food ~you know what I mean...notice the kids won't eat food made when you are mad??? universal rule~cook happy
    surfcitymom

    Answer by surfcitymom at 11:03 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • sorry for all the typos, I just need glasses...where is the zoom in~
    surfcitymom

    Answer by surfcitymom at 11:06 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • My husband says a women s place is in the home taking care of the children,home schooling them, taking care of the hubby and the house. Like the bible says and I agree with him. My hubby does help with the house. I must say that we don't have any children living at home now as they are all adults w/children of there own now.
    SassyDee01963

    Answer by SassyDee01963 at 11:07 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Yeah I know how that feels as well it sucks like you had the kids all by yourself. I would make sure you take care of you and the kids and if he wants his done he has to help as well because college is a to benefit your whole family and he should see that. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:12 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

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