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What would you do if you found out your DH has a child with another woman?

We have been married for 11 years and we have 2 boys- a 9yo and a 7yo. He slept with his secretary 5 years ago and he felt guilty so he came clean. That woman got pregnant and now, 5 years later, she decided to tell him he has a daughter who is now almost 5 and she wants him to take responsibility.

I know the little girl is not to blame at all, but I was able to forget the fact that he cheated and move on. Now he has a daughter with another woman and I don't know if I can love that girl and if I can deal with him having two families. And I am not the kind of person who would ask him not to see his daughter or never introduce her to our sons. I mean, they're all siblings.

What would you do?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Aug. 4, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • You don't have to love his daughter. If in time you come to love her or feel as though you are her step-mom, then that is okay. However, you don't have to go into this expecting that. Infact you shouldn't go into this expecting that. You should sit back and let him get to know his daughter. Remember that he DOES NOT have two families. He has one family with a new addition. You, your kids are his family and now you have a daughter. That other women means nothing more then a breeding house. Don't let yourself turn this into more then what it is .. A mistake five years ago is now producing a little girl. That's all. That doesn't mean he's going to do anything rash, that doesn't mean there has to be any more upset. All it means is that you're going to be greeting and getting to know a five year old girl. The other women has nothing to do with your family, just that she's the mother of this girl. Period.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:18 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • If My SO Cheated I would leave so sorry cant help GL

    Answer by Truelove77 at 11:16 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Honestly, if I had been able to forgive the affair, I would encourage him to get a paternity test and if the little girl was his, I would accept her as a member of our family.

    Answer by mommy11260 at 11:17 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I would have left when it happened..

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:18 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • find out for sure if it is his child then if it was i would cut off his testicals lol achually i would do it anyway cause the fact he cheated LMBO

    Answer by mommy5409 at 11:30 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • well i wouldnt really know what to do u are right to feel the way you do and it is not the little girls fault but what does ur hubby have to say about all this

    Answer by shannonsmom555 at 11:17 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I totally agree with JazzlikeMraz. It's just a little girl, it's not a new family. He has a new daughter and your sons have a new sister. She's a part of YOUR family, not a new one. All you have to do is try to get to know her and just be there, You don't even have to see that other woman. You DH will have to pick her up and drop her back off to her mom's house and all you will have to do is try to get to know a little girl.
    Good Luck!

    Answer by pipermomofash at 11:24 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Wow, I am so sorry. I guess, given that you got past the affair, the only thing to do would be to accept the little girl into the family. Don't pressure yourself into "loving her like your own" - that's not realistic in any step situation. Hugs to you.

    Answer by Scuba at 11:25 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • paternity test first.

    Answer by lovinangels at 11:27 AM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Honestly I think she needed to keep that to herself especially to wait this long to tell him and try to mess up your relationship.

    Answer by sierranavada at 11:30 AM on Aug. 4, 2010