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2 Bumps

How can I reverse the affects of over indulging a child without traumatizing the child?

She has been through a lot; her grandmas death, hurricane katrina, my engagement that went awry and my career changes. So I may have overindulged her here and there and now it is the rule. What can I do to help her get back on the right track?

Answer Question
 
merenset

Asked by merenset at 2:08 PM on Aug. 4, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • get some family counceling it can be done and set some rules. Talk it out and say what you expect maybe have her help make the rules. Stick to them and help move it along. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:12 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Sit her down and be honest with her. Let her know your feelings and then let her discuss with you ways that you guys can find a middle ground or change this. It's important that you involve kids in the choices that involve them, even if you have final say.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:14 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I agree with both of the above. You need to be honest that you feel you've been letting her get away with more than you think she should due to circumstances but now you're going to work together to get it back on track. If she doesn't seem to want to cooperate, then family counseling would be a good idea.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 3:40 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Seeing she is a teen, you sit down and talk to her honestly. She is old enough to understand that she cannot have everything she wants without working for it. If that doesn't work, then family counseling is in order.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:33 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Sounds like it's time to lay down the rules and hold strong. Sit her down and simply tell her that this is how it is. She won't want to cooperate, of course, as she's accustomed to getting what she wants. You'll have to be consistent and not give in.

    It'll take a strong spine on your part, but don't feel a need to keep going back and justifying it to her. Once you've had the initial discussion where you've explained what needs to change and why, and how you're going to implement those changes, there's no need to keep debating it. You're the parent, you're in charge, and it's your job to educate her.

    Big congratulations to you for recognizing what went wrong and for choosing to do whatever you can to fix it! Hang tough and you'll be just fine!
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 10:39 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Why would appropriate boundaries and discipline "traumatize" a teenager? I'm sure she won't like the change, but it certainly isn't anything that would induce "trauma"
    missingruth

    Answer by missingruth at 3:05 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

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