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A little jealous and envious

I'm a little jealous and envious by friends that I have. I grew up a foster kid and all my foster kid friends have little to no support just like me, I have friends that are not in the system and have s lot of support, especially family support. I had twins a little over a year ago and one of my twins passed away. My oldest sister and I fight a lot and we're always of and on, my little sister lives out of state and I have no contact with my mom or dad or other family member because if they get in a fight with one of us the hate all of us, and recently my oldest sister got into it with them so now I can't talk to my aunts and cousins because they got into it with my sister, hubby's fam is pretty supportive but it consists of his younger brothers 17 and 15. My friend just had twins and they made such a big deal about it they took video tons of pictures and there were alot of people there, I'm soo happy for her but I'm still

 
babyangelromero

Asked by babyangelromero at 4:58 PM on Aug. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,048 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Oh no offense taken just offering my suggestion based on what has helped me through my very troubled life as well. I agree that things like this in life happen and seem to take us back to that time in our lives, it happens to me all too often. I built a great relationship with my therapist too only inside the office, and now that she is no longer practicing I have a hard time coping, even with a new therapist the three year long relationship we had can't ever be replaced. Looking at what we have that is good in our lives seems to always help me get through the hardtimes as well.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:22 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Perfectly understandable to feel this way. It takes a long time to grieve for a child and it is not something you really get over. It is something you learn to live with. You are very caring and gracious to be happy for her. I am so sorry for your loss. Enjoy your precious baby.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:04 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • dealing withnot having my twins, I'm soo grateful for my surviivng son but I can't help but think about both of them everyday. I'm pregnant again, I'm 34 weeks and this baby was definetly not planned, I was planning on adoption but decided not to. I feel so alone, I have my husband and my kids and because I've been on bedrest I don't talk to any of my work friends anymore. I guess it just sucks to know that I'll never have that kind of family support which is what I've always wanted. I'm a little jealous and envious and sometimes just wanna cry, I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself but it sucks not having that, It's what I've always wanted. That famiyl that everyone deserves. Am I wrong? How do I cope?!
    babyangelromero

    Comment by babyangelromero (original poster) at 5:02 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Mama you aren't wrong, I'm so sorry for your lost and what your feeling is normal. Maybe you should talk to someone, find a support group in your area and find local friends that are going through the same thing as you.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:06 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I didn't see the rest of your post before I answered. I hope you talk all of this over with your DH and maybe you can join some mothers' groups after the baby comes. The hospital should have some information on these kinds of groups and also counseling resources if you think you might want to talk to someone. You could actually look into that now through your Dr. Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:08 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I tried those support groups right after my son passed away and it only made me angry to see how many mothers are in my position, how a mother is blessed with a child to lose him and how this world is so cruel and alot of these mothers were great awesome people before losing there baby and now everyday that went by they wished they were dead, I know I felt like that, I have other children so I had someone to live for but some of those moms didn't have anyone or any children, I learned to deal with it myself but I do get upset everytime I see twins and before I had them it seemed like I only saw them on tv now I see them everywhere like I'm getting it rubbed in my face because everytime I see them I only imagine what it would be like to have my son here. I almost sit and wonder what I did soo wrong to deserve this and why my son had to die and why I feel so alone.
    babyangelromero

    Comment by babyangelromero (original poster) at 5:12 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • You just have to learn to be happy with yourself being enough and a few people around you who truly love you can help. You have a husband, and kids and you can build memories from that. I have learned not to really place my happiness in events filled with many people that don't even matter. If you keep it simple and down to the people who truly matter to you then you will feel much better overtime because you're doing  stuff that have a true sincere purpose and not to put on a show for others.Focus on the good things you do have and don't compare yourself to other people because you're not them. And no matter what life you lived. You're grown now and have the opportunity to make a great life for yourself as an adult and as a parent. Your kids really only need you two in the end to be there for them. Congrats on your baby.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 5:13 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I just want to clarify........I meant look into some mothers' groups for friendship and to make new friends who can become like family. I wasn't thinking of grief groups. Take care.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:32 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Maybe you should seek professional help if the support groups just made you angry
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:32 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I'm so sorry for your loss, not only for your child but for the family you longed for. I can only imagine how hard it can be for you sometimes. I placed a child for adoption and while its not the same it does hurt and I miss him all the time and wonder what if...I also have a family that I can't talk to or lean on for any kind of support. I'm estranged from my parents, don't talk to my sister and while my brother and I get along fine I can lean on him. Its sad not having family there for you I know the feeling in that regard. What I have learned is to build my family through my friendships, keeping those I love and trust close to me. I've also learned that my husband and the children I'm raising are my family and my support to get me through hard times and finally counseling. I can't recommend it enough, it has truly made an impact on me to finally have support through a therapist and learn to help myself. **HUGS**
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 5:58 PM on Aug. 4, 2010