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4 Bumps

Should make her keep going?

My daughter (with aspergers) plays oboe in band. It is a way that she can use her love of structure and "rules" while working cooperatively with others. It provides her with a group identity, something that is rarely available for such kids who are typically the social rejects. She's doing really well in band & I think it has been good for her, but she says she wants to quit because she has to go to school "too early" for band (band meets before school at her level in our district.) I've made her stick with it anyway. What do you think?

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mamahobbit

Asked by mamahobbit at 7:16 PM on Aug. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 11 (554 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • If she no longer likes it. I'd let her stop and pick something else to get involoved with. If that isn't an option. Then tell her to tough it out. Maybe go to bed ealier.
    elly25

    Answer by elly25 at 7:19 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Since you are the parent she has no say so...for now unless she starts to show signs of negativity, but for now I would leave things the way they are unless you or she gets into something else she likes to do. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 7:21 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I made the children stay with a project for a term or a year, depending on what it was.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:26 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • hummm... hard to say since I dont really know anything about aspergers... but in general I would say you should not allow a child to quit anything mid stream. If school has already started and she has made a commitment to the band then she is obligated to be there until the end of the semester or year (depending on when auditions are held).

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 7:27 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I think you are doing good by not letting her just quit, you want her there for all the right reasons. I agree with the previous poster if she's tired let her know that it's good experience for her and that if she's tired bed time will be earlier.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 7:28 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • My oldest son also has Asperger's and I know from experience that a routine is a definite must with Asperger's children. I also know that when they get it in their head that they want to quit something it is hard to navigate their mind away from it. If she just started playing I would say give her a time limit......maybe a semester to get used to it and then see what happens. If she played it last year also then she knows what it's like to get up early and be part of a "team" so she knows what she'll be missing. If she's not involved with this she needs to find something else......Asperger's children need social interactions above all else to help them develop into healthy adults.

    colethky

    Answer by colethky at 7:34 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • If she isn't going to be going directly into another activity, then, I would make her stick with it. If there is something else she can do instead that will be equal, then let her switch. I would not however let her not do anything.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 7:39 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Keep pushing her and she will thank you in the end!
    navajomama7

    Answer by navajomama7 at 7:42 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • I think its good to have kids own their responsibilities.. If you join something, they now rely on you & its your responsibility to be there until you can bow out gracefully (semester/next year)... Finish what you start and do it well..
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 8:50 PM on Aug. 4, 2010

  • Good answers! Aspergers kids should be encouraged to follow through with things that they are good at. Ask her if she has any other ideas of how she could continue. Maybe there is something else going on and she is usnig the sleep as an excuse?
    Joy118

    Answer by Joy118 at 12:12 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

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