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3 Bumps

I just don't know anymore. Need some impartial advice. adult content

My husband had an emotional affair with a co-worker that developed into sending pictures and videos via phone to each other. He still works with her. I caught this 3 times.

I afraid he's still doing it but when I confronted him last time, he said that if I can't trust him, then we need to end it. I really don't want to end it but I know for a fact she sent him a text about wanting to suck his cock.

I want to badly to confront him about this. He says they don't talk about anything but work and they don't hang out afterwards. But I also know that he took this woman with him to another place to fill out job apps.

A part of me wants this to be over. The distrust is tearing me apart. But I love my husband and I want my kids to be happy.

Would you suck it up in order to ensure your kids are taken care of and have their daddy in their lives on a daily basis or would you give up?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:55 AM on Aug. 5, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • I have been there, I tried to suck it up and make it work, that didnt happen. You need to be happy and your kids will be better off when you are. I personally lived every day wondering if he was still talking to the other girl, b/c I caught him several times still talking to her. It wasnt healthy. Even if he did everything he could to earn your trust back, do you honestly think you could trust him again?
    kimbob2284

    Answer by kimbob2284 at 1:36 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Sounds like more than just an emotional affair. I would almost bet that his "if you can't trust me, then we need to end it" comment is a way for him to get out of the marriage without looking like that bad guy. I would kick his ass to the curb!
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 8:58 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I would go to couples counseling, at the very least, do counseling for yourself if he won't come with you. It almost sounds as if he is ok with it being over if he's telling you that's how it should be. Don't just stay because of your kids. They will pick up on the fact that Mom isn't happy because of Dad and everyone will be miserable. Good luck =(
    musicalbabe85

    Answer by musicalbabe85 at 8:59 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Talk to her not him. That's what I did when my x did that.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:57 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • No I wouldn't suck it up. I would be asking and and if he didn't want to talk about it then I think he is guilty. I'm sorry you are going through this but you SHOULD NOT have to share your husband with another woman. GL hun!

    Brandi300

    Answer by Brandi300 at 8:58 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I agree with musicalbabe. Don't suck it up. Talk to him about it and try counseling.
    Cassandre

    Answer by Cassandre at 9:02 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I don't know where you got "emotional" affair out of that, sound like a good old fashioned lust centered affair to me.

    IF you are really serious about wanting your marriage to work, AND he wants this too, then 1) you need to attend some therapy classes 2) you need to forgive and forget 3) HE needs to cut off ALL contact with this woman outside of work hours, AND start looking for a new job and 4) he needs to get a NEW cell #. 5) IF they are FB friends or anything, he needs to remove her ASAP.

    I very strongly suggest putting alot of effort into finding a new job right away, because when he ends things with her, she may get pissed and claim "sexual harrassment", so be prepared for a fight.
    Maureen-MD

    Answer by Maureen-MD at 9:03 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I wouldn't have that in my life. Your children will see lots of stuff through watching your interactions with him and this is what I feel they will see... and this is just my opinion:
    -They will see you putting up with a cheating husband and they will think it is okay to cheat because their SO will stay anyhow and/or they will be cheated on and think, "Well, mom stayed with dad even though she was miserable... my happiness isn't important."
    -They will see the hurt in your eyes and your sadness and depression and they will think that being depressed is normal and that you aren't supposed to be happy in life.
    -They will see the tenseness between you and your husband and they will think that hose types of relationships are okay or that the tenseness is due to them.
    -They will see you sad and think it i stheir fault.
    Etc.
    I could go on forever about this, but I'll stop now and just say you need to get yourself and your kids
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 9:05 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • If he doesn't want to talk about it and says "if you can't trust me, then we need to end it" sounds like he is being defensive and hiding something.. JMO.. I would definatly confront him again about it and if he still gets defensive then chances are there is something going on. I understand that you want to keep the kids happy and don't want to split from him, but being in an unhealthy relationship doesn't help you and doesn't help the children.. They can sense those things especially as they get older. GL and I really feel for you.
    ktlyn79s

    Answer by ktlyn79s at 9:05 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • The two of you need to talk it over and resolve this. To me this is an emotional affair which can be just as devistating as a physical affair. It is still still being disloyal to your spouse. If he is not willing to resolve this or seek counseling with you then you have a tough decision to make. It would be a deal breaker for me. I wish you all the best.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:07 AM on Aug. 5, 2010