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3 Bumps

the end pt2

okay for you who responded to my post yesterday i wanted to update and let you know what happened. he came home yesterday telling me he was sorry and that he would leave and me and the kids could stay. he also told me hes going to look into anger managment and counsiling for himself and marriage for us. he cried which the only tome ive ever seen him cry was our wedding day and when his uncle died so i know its not a show for me to feel bad. do you think if he goes through with this i should let him back into my life?
for those who didnt read my last post weve been married 7 yrs with two litle girls well he fractured my hand from squeezing it so hard. hes never hit me or punched me its usally bad words throw something at me sqeeze my arm or push me really hard... this usally happenes every 5-6 months when things build up. so do you think i would be stupid to try and work this out?

Answer Question
 
whitenena

Asked by whitenena at 9:16 AM on Aug. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,298 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • i dont want to defend but his mother would beat all the kids throw shoes what ever was in reach smack them hits them with belts rulers so i know its how he vents but its not ganna happen to me anymore and i told him that
    whitenena

    Comment by whitenena (original poster) at 9:18 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I don't think it's stupid to try to work it out. You just have to be extremely careful. I personally don't know if I could let someone back into my life that was abusive. You'll have to gauge his progess and his commitment to see if he really changes. Good Luck, hope he gets the help he needs.
    bumblebeestingu

    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 9:19 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I've seen my sister go through this a lot. It's heartbreaking, because she just kept getting abused. She thought things would get better. Hoenstly, he does need help, but it think you have to decide if you want that around your kids. He could hurt them you never know. Just a thought. Good Luck
    Momofboys22

    Answer by Momofboys22 at 9:19 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I got the crap kicked out of me for four years and my father would cry it was a show. All I can say is this is a cycle please make sure you are safe. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:26 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • His willingness to get help is huge! He can move out for now, you can both get the counseling he suggets (making sure he gets the individual anger management), and see what develops. Make it clear there is no hope if this is not done. You don't have to go with a divorce as the first thing. I know couples who have separated, worked on their issues, and now have a good life together. The children can know that this is temporary and that you and DH need a break right now. Any explanation to them should show this as a positive situation. Best of luck
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:26 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I think l;iving in different households would be best for a while. Let him take his classes, let him work through things, let him learn to handle and control his temper... if you feel safe and comfortable after a year or so THEN I would consider returning to the current living arrangements. You can still allow him to be in the lives of the children and such, but you wand your children will be in a safer and healthier environement. :)
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 9:28 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Honestly, what he needs is not anger management counseling, it is abuser's counseling, and yes there is a difference. You should also be in Domestic Violence Counseling. No one can tell you whether or not to get out, but all of this sounds like the classic cycle of Domestic Violence. Only you can decide where the line will be drawn.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 9:31 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Anyone who hits whoever they are goes through cycles he will say anything to make sure you stay please get some counceling just for yourself find out how and go it can only help. I realize you have made up your mind to stay and nothing we can say will change this just be safe. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:31 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • It's not stupid to try to work it out - but you said yourself that this has been an ongoing issue, and it's obviously escalating. They always feel bad after they hurt you the first few times, then it becomes habit. Make sure he goes through with the counseling, and try to get some for yourself. Please be safe.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:39 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • He should move out for now, but get the help he's promising to get. It's just not a good idea for him to be there right now. Things are too tense right now. He grew up seeing this, if your girls continue to grow up seeing this, they will abuse their kids. You have to break the cycle. IMO, have him leave for now. He needs to get anger management, individual counciling, you need it too, and marriage counciling would be helpful as well. But the individual stuff is more important.
    It's great that he doesn't hit you. But hitting isn't the only form of physical abuse. He fractured your hand, that's physical. And the emoitional scars are there for much longer. Abuse is abuse. It's harder to stop emotionally abusing then physically abusing. He really needs help. He knows he's doing it, he's admitted it. Hopefully he's being honest here. But both of you need to think of your kids as well, not just yourselves.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 9:42 AM on Aug. 5, 2010

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