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Does your MIL do this to you? What would you do?

My MIL lives close...too close...four houses down...anyways, she was constantly "checking up" on me. I would have a friend stop by when my husband was at work and then all of a sudden she is stopping by too! If it were a guy friend she would make snide remarks...(even though my husband knows my ONLY guy friend and is cool with him and trusts him and most importantly me) I was diagnosed bipolar and she thinks she needs to check up on me so I dont do "anything stupid". My husband and I don't understand...concern...or waiting for me to mess up...(in her eyes)

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raybell

Asked by raybell at 4:11 AM on Oct. 5, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • My mil doesn't do stuff like that, but if she did, I think I would honestly either move, or I would tell her, I'm so sorry, I wish I could visit, but as you can see, I've got company, I'm busy, I was just leaving, or whatever, then shut the door. If you want to be nice, then after you say that, you could then say, but you're more than welcome to come back at ___ time and we can visit. Then shut the door. If she has a key, change the locks.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 4:40 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • 4 houses?.too close. He trusts you, your male friend is trustworthy in his eyes, so SHOULD be in MIL's eyes. About the 'she's afraid I'll mess up'...You are diagnosed bi-polar...i know that very well. One BIGGEST 'symptom' is sexual indiscretions, in marriage, would be 'cheating'. YOU need to watch out for that kind of situation to arise, and please take that in the nicest way. I've been there done that.
    BUT your MIL is NOT the person that should be monitoring that!! I say if hubby trusts you, she has NOTHING to say about it. PERIOD. And hubby needs to stick up for you! But know, it IS possible for you to find yourself in that situation, try so hard NOT to put yourself into 'THAT' situation. If I'm not making much sense, it's because it's 4:30 am :) and would more than welcome you to PM me. I can help. But again....MIL has NO BUSINESS in YOUR life. THAT is your husband's business, and if he is fine w/ it, so should she.
    ShellyBelly531

    Answer by ShellyBelly531 at 4:45 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • My father actually did this for a little while for the couple months after I came home with my daughter. He was so worried that something would happen to me or the baby. I guess you just have to decide (and it sounds like you have your suspicions) whether its out of genuine concern or whether she is trying to "catch you" doing something. If its the latter, she's gotta stop, and I hope your husband is willing to back you up with that.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 7:30 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • You think 4 houses is too close. Try having her in your guest house. I know exactly how you feel though. I have very good communication with my ex, but only because we have a child together. Well anytime she see me talking to him, and especially if she's pulling in the driveway she will literally stay in her car until he leaves. And then, she will ask me " so what do you guys talk about" my response is always "stuff" even though I want to tell her " why do you want to know, you nosy a$$ bi*** " lol....can you tell we have a bad relationship. IDK what to tell you, but what I can say is that in the past 6 yrs my HD and I would fight because I would go to him and start fightting as though it was his fault that his mother is such a ignorant person. I have learned to just ignore her. Whether if you MIL is being suspicious or not. Just let her be THEY WILL NEVER AND I REPEAT "NEVER" CHANGE...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:20 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Yea I'd definintly be moving or saving up to move somewhere else...I lived with my MILand it just gets worse. I went to Wal-Mart one day so I wouldn't be stuck in the house and she acted like I had an affair or something. I have morals and I was very offended by it. She will just get mad if you try to tell her to get out of your business. or worse she could try to convince your husband you are cheating if she gets mad at you because you don't want her coming over.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:17 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • omg. Mil lives next door. Been there done that. But hell no, she will not be in my business. If I tell her who is coming over she knows, otherwise it is not her business. I come and go as I please. If I see her outside , I kiss her hello, make small talk and be on my merry way, when and if I please. Otherwise I wave. It is all cool. No biggie problems. Except when she does the sob stories or poor sick me. I get really depressed and just let her have her moment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • sweetie -- be glad you don't have my MIL her and her husband wont let go of my DH so consequently they keep guilting him into living with them... and I love the man so I put up with it too.... if he's not with me she is........ and its more of a thing to make sure i'm not cheating on him like his first wife did.... me and the DH have a daughter together and I'm ready to pop with our son (34 weeks)... For the first year she was more watching me, now we've become friends and I find myself going to her more than my dad with my problems. I am closer to my dad than my mom.... and now we will make up excuses to go to the store just to escape and have lunch and things like that. She realizes that I'm not going to cheat so it's eased some of the tension.
    makaena

    Answer by makaena at 6:57 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • OMG. I thought living next door was intrusive. I give you a lot of credit. You are more tolerant. I've been told that cuz they live next door. But that has to be tough with the privacy issues. I know what you are going through with momma and poppa's boy. Don't ever talk bad about them. It will mess up your relationship with the hubby forever. The less you talk about them the more you have to talk about you and him and the new baby coming.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I have my moments where I do and will tell him about his parents. He does get upset sometimes but he eventually will see what I'm talking about. He's even a papa's boy to the extent that he works for daddy and there's times daddy doesn't want to give up the pay and their lil boy is too chicken to stand up and say GIVE ME MY MONEY DAMMIT! so I will get into it with him on that but in the end he sees that me talking about his parents is to help him become a man and not so dependant on them. In 4 years I've had him out on his own twice, then mommy and daddy will move hours away and guilt him into moving too *roll eyes* so now we're back in with them for the time being -- which will be good since i'm having another c-section i have a built in baby sitter haha..
    makaena

    Answer by makaena at 8:37 AM on Oct. 6, 2008

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