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Anyone have a 'deaf' or 'selectively hearing' SO?

I'm tired of my DH not HEARING me. He pretends like, "Sorry, I was watching TV", working on the computer, (self-employed w/ my help) or whatever excuse. I can have a whole conversation, he doesn't hear me. I feel so IGNORED, God forbid if I'm not listening to him! Not that he gets mad or angry, but as soon as he speaks, I'm right there listening, like a little puppy. He's a GREAT husband, every other way, but I'm starting to think that this is ridiculous. Isn't COMMUNICATION like the 1st thing that every self-help book, article, always says you need to have? I just wanted to know if any of you ladies out there feel the lonely, no one to talk to, BECAUSE when you talk to the one you REALLY want to talk to, you have to talk to others on the phone or whatever. But it really doesn't give you what you need, because what you need is your SO to 'listen' and take you in and CARE about YOU?

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Asked by ShellyBelly531 at 4:14 AM on Oct. 5, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (16)
  • Mine has selective hearing...I know what I told him, I know when I told him...he doesn't remember. *rolls eyes* It annoys the hell out of me. Ughh. He hears the REALLY important stuff but not all of it. Then again, he thinks I talk too much...

    Answer by raybell at 4:16 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • i understand what your saying completely... my SO does ignore me sometimes and is more focused on something else its VERY frustrating but i think you should call them deaf i know you didnt mean it in a rude way but there are people that are deaf. i took ASL classes and am very involved in the deaf community and they take offense to that. im just letting you know for future reference. a far as making him listen you should give him a dose of his own medicine!!!! ha and then say something smart when he gets mad. :) maybe that will give him a hint lol

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • What? Sorry, I wasn't listening.
    No, seriously, I didn't hear you.
    I was NOT ignoring you.
    YES, I listen when you talk.
    I do NOT have selective hearing!
    I can SO multi-task!

    Is my answer obvious yet? Yes, this is a COMMON problem... selective hearing, that is. "Deaf" really shouldn't be used like that unless you're actually referring to honest deaf people.

    Something I've had to learn, though, is patience. Go up to your husband, tap him on the shoulder, and tell him, "Hey, I need to talk to you/ask you something." Then, give him a minute to finish what he's doing so then he can divert his FULL attention to you. Yes, it's annoying to wait 3 minutes to ask him where he put the car keys, but trust me, you'll both be much less frustrated if you do this.

    Answer by RanaAurora at 4:32 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Anonymous, yes, I understand the 'deaf' thing. I didn't mean that obviously in a negative way, other than when he says "Sorry, you KNOW I'm 1/2 deaf", which is BS, honestly.
    RanaAurora, OMG, it's exactly your scenario. Sounds like us exactly.
    But WHY WHY WHY do us WOMEN have to cater like that?!!!? If HE wants something we're right there listening, but with THEM we have to play these games (not games, more like mind-play) to get what we want to make us feel better? Why can't he/they just care to listen?
    Going to bed now....all 3 will be up in a couple hours...UGH.

    Answer by ShellyBelly531 at 4:49 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • general i think that selective hearing about sums them up :)

    Answer by MiraclesDHappen at 4:51 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • LOL...Alex (my DH) actually told me that unless I get his attention first he doesn't know that I'm talking to him....

    ....we are a family of three and our daughter is only 13 months...who ELSE was I talking to? LOL


    Answer by AvasMommy810 at 6:21 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Mine has selective hearing and so do my kids, they always act surprise when I start yelling and I tell them if they had listened to me the first time I wouldn't have to yell.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 7:15 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I know exactly what you're talking about lol. If I need to talk to my husband about something that really matters to me me, I let him know & he pays attention. It's annoying, but most guys do it, I don't take it personally. You should try not to either. My husband is great; he's my best friend & has been since we were 15; I know it's not a lack of love. About 15 years ago, in high school, my best friend & I noticed it. Our boyfriends were on the couch, we called their names...nothhing. Then, as a test, I called her boyfriend's name & she called mine...they answered lol. We determined it was our voice they were tuning off lol. I guess it starts early lol.

    Answer by abby9876 at 7:22 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • AvasMommy810...that's too funny...mine does the same thing "were you talking to me?" but get this...even when we are the only two home!!! No honey, I was explaining your "to do" list to the cat! lol

    Answer by kabbot01 at 7:23 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • RanaAurora, you know, there are plenty of terms that refer to specific disabilities that I would never "throw around" in an inappropriate context because I would never want to hurt someone's feelings. I've said "what are you deaf?!" more times in my life that I could ever count & never thought twice about it. If you hadn't made that statement, I don't think it would've ever occurred to me that it could be hurtful. I'm glad you said that!


    Answer by abby9876 at 7:27 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

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