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3 Bumps

How do I tell my sister-in-law she can't move in with us, after my husband said she could?

My husband told his sister that her family of 5 could come live with ouf 4 while they build their house. Our families are very close, but his sister disciplines our kids when we're right there, and if they are in her care -- she loves to report on all the "bad" things they did while we were away. She is very critical of how we do things, of my kids, of my husband, of her husband. I want my husband to tell her he spoke otu of turn, as he never checked with me. I don't think this is a good idea on MANY levels, but I think I'm going to have to be the heavy, and I think that either way, the realtionship will be damaged, either now by me saying "no" or later after we've all had enough of each other. Looking for words of wisdom and talking points about how to say "no" and still keep peace with me and my husband, and his sister's family.

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mom2.3boyz

Asked by mom2.3boyz at 3:15 PM on Aug. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I think your HUSBAND should deliver the news to her.

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 3:18 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • You deserve your privacy! You should really talk to your husband about it, you aren't doing it out of spite, you just want to protect your chldren
    SandyShelbyJoy

    Answer by SandyShelbyJoy at 3:19 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I agree with the first poster, hubby is the one that said she could, he should be the one who says it is not such a good idea.
    older

    Answer by older at 3:20 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • First go talk to your DH about this. Se if he will talk to her about not staying with you. If not you will just have to tell her yourself.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:21 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I think you should sit down and explain to your husband how this is going to end badly and if he wishes the good relationship to continue he should say it to her now. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 3:21 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Okay, first in my opinion, you have to sit down ands have a real heart-to-hart with your hubby. This has to be first because either you can talk to the sister together or HIM ,not you. If she can follow the rules you two lay down together as HOUSE RULES then. perhaqps it would work out but, if not, she needs to have a Plan B. I wold also reccomend hr writing in a journal if there were any problems with your kiddos when she was there so you can handle them it Your leisure.
    cyndimcd

    Answer by cyndimcd at 3:21 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Oh, boy, this is a tough one. I think you are right that your husband should take the fall here and tell her because she is his sister not yours, and he told her yes without asking you which he never should have done even if he thought you would be on board. If there is any excuse to use to spare their feelings I would use it, true or not, like a reason this is a bad time or something. Otherwise I think I would just have to say that it would be too hard for you all and not worth the threat to the friendship between you all. We have often considered moving back to our hometown and the possibility of living with parents has come up, but my sister pointed out it would be hard to live with my in-laws (versus my dad who is single) because it is hard to have two mothers living in the same house. Both women want to mother and nurture and be in charge and that is a hard job to share between two people. I hope it works out for you.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:23 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Maybe, first come up with a list of these habits that drive you nuts, then you and Hubby (together) decide how these situations should be handled. After the two of you come up with a realistic set of rules and guidelines the two of you sit with SIL and her hubby to discuss ground rules of the situation, including consequences. Hopefully she wont want to deal with "rules of the House" and will make the decision on her own not to live with you. If not and she still moves in you have got reason to boot her out the door if it causes problems.

    emptynstr

    Answer by emptynstr at 3:23 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • You should talk to him about it and come to an agreement. Then he should be the one to talk to her.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 3:25 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I'm not a very nice person so I would probably just tell her hey look he said you could move in before he taclked to me and I'm saying no cause we have issues lol I would list off the reasons and say maybe if we worked these things out it would be ok but till then you can't stay here
    msh88

    Answer by msh88 at 3:27 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

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