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The mother in law.........Where is her place in your family?

How does yours fall into place with your family? Is she simply his mother. (A very important roll of course). How much does her opinions matter to your fam? How much does hubby listen to her? Over you? Influence onyour kids? Do the have "authority" over you as your "elders"? Do you live with them?

 
thelowlander

Asked by thelowlander at 4:11 PM on Aug. 5, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 17 (3,349 Credits)
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Answers (25)
  • She is his mother, not mine. I respect her for the fact that she raised the man I married over 30 years ago. I see her maybe 2x a year and that is 2x too many. BUT I do make sure DH calls them at least once a week and goes to see them whenever he wants, they are in their 80's and the health is failing. Sad part is I don't really think she cares. The only ones she seems to care about are her 4 daughters and their 10 kids. Always was that way but the last few years it has gotten worse, she says that it is too inconvenient for any of the other family to come to our house, so I figure it is too inconvenient for me to go to them.

    emptynstr

    Answer by emptynstr at 7:36 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • She is not really a part of our family. That is her choice. If she chose to be a part it would be fine, but she has distanced herself from my family and basically hurt my feelings and my kids for years.

    I dont listen to her, she has no authority over any part of my family. Her opinions mean nothing to me. My dh however tries with her....I quit a long time ago.

    She lives 2 blocks down the road and we go MONTHS without seeing her! Again, her choice.
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 4:22 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • She isn't a big part of it. We don't get along so if they ever come over it's fine but we dont go over there.
    mommyof2chasmin

    Answer by mommyof2chasmin at 4:14 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • I am chopped liver when it comes to Nanny. Good thing I adore her as well as the rest of them or it would probably be a bad thing. She doesn't offer her opinion unless she is asked, she is very respectful of our parenting idea's. She doesn't butt her face into things that do not concern her. She has a lot of influence over all of us but she is so respectful and gentle in her ways, that you wouldn't notice it! Damn she's good! Honestly, I hope that I can be her type of MIL because she is awesome, I would almost say I am closer to her than I am to my own mother....ok I will stop rubbing it in now! :)
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 4:15 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • My MIL is a respected member of our family. While we don't live with her, she isn't far.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 4:16 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • No we wouldnt live with our parents... I dont think that is right. We are adults and can support ourselves... there is no need to live off mommy and daddy.


    She is the woman who raised the man I love. I call her mom, respect her, and listen to her advice. We are very different in some ways but respect each other and accommodate those differences with out complaint. She is more than welcome to "influence" our children because she is a wonderful, moral, honest woman... and did a great job raising my husband. As far as "authority" as an elder... some what. I will give her the respect and thoughtfulness and will concede to some of her wishes. But again... she would never demand anything that would be offensive or wrong for me or my family.


     

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 4:19 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • As far away from me as possible.... she is a snob and very condescending. She only calls when she wants her baby over to fix something. After seventeen years, I no longer do the dog and pony show.
    WoodWitch

    Answer by WoodWitch at 4:24 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • She is a plays a big role in our family, as grandma. We do not live with my inlaws but they live close to us. She will stop by at least once a week to see the kids and takes them for the day about every other week or so. My kids, especially my oldest, have a great bond with her. She is an amazing woman who I can go to for advice and I know that what we talk about does not get repeated. My dh can be like his dad at times and she, while not telling me what to do in situations, will tell me what she did and how she handled things. I have great respect for her. I don't think a better mil is possible.
    JamieLK

    Answer by JamieLK at 4:26 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • She lives in another country. So it's almost like she does not exist.
    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 4:27 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

  • Her opinion matters a lot to us. But we wouldn't follow it blindly. To me personally she is like a second mother. We don't live with them.
    Erica_Smerica

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 4:31 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

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