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Now he claims its me!!

A few weeks ago i asked a question about taking a family picture. I took some of everyone's advice and decided i was going to go take two seperate pictures. One with my step daughter and one without her. When i talked to my husband about this, he blew up. Not understanding why he got so mad, because he has nothing to do with her, i asked him why. He told me i would be leaving her out. Is that true? I dont want to leave her out. And he blames me for not having anything to do with her. When i'm the one who always ask's him if he wants her to come spend the night or to go get her to go to the park. Is he in denial over this??

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meganmyers21

Asked by meganmyers21 at 8:50 AM on Oct. 5, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • I would think it might hurt her feelings if she were not in the picture. Even though she may not express it or not know how to express it. She should always be included and welcome in everything you do.
    jenni8269

    Answer by jenni8269 at 9:07 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • exactly, but what i wanted to do was take 2 seperate ones. One of all of us and one of me my husband and son, you know? But all of a sudden my husband just blew up at me. I would understand alot better if he wanted her around. Everytime she comes around its me who gets her, do i mind, no not at all. Like when we go to his parents where she lives he ignores her or yells at her for no reason. he doesnt play with her he doesnt take the time out for her. like he does for our son. does that make a difference? I mean, how do i handel this?? I'm so not aggervated, i just think i kinda left a few things out on my post!!!
    meganmyers21

    Answer by meganmyers21 at 9:30 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Especially considering that he doesn't spend much time with her, I would do my best to make her feel as included as possible. Perhaps to help out you could do the family pic with all of you and then do one with just you and your son, so it's not just her being excluded from that pic. Admittedly he's pulling a double standard.. she's his daughter to ignore but if you do it, you must be deliberately trying to keep her out of your family. It's not right, but it's in everyone's best interest if she feels that she's as much a part of your family as your son, even if it means you have to make that extra effort yourself.
    mandaday

    Answer by mandaday at 9:50 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • It may be his child from a previous marriage and he may be thinking that you are saying that your son and his daughter are not equal.He may be a bad dad to her, but, he wants you to be good to her. Men are sometimes just about stupid about stuff, aren't they? A good step parent, and I am not saying you aren't, would treat her as equal in everything that you do.That was my first thought when I read this.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 9:54 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • thank yall all for yall's responses! i sure do appreciate yalls advice!!! thank yall!
    meganmyers21

    Answer by meganmyers21 at 10:19 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Why do you want to separate pictures?
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 11:36 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I'm scared that if i start doing things like this it will confuse her more. she lives with my husbands parents and calls his mom "mom" which she needs a mom. and when i talk to my stepdaughter about the pictures she told me that she wanted a picture taken of her, her mom, MIL, and her dad, my husband. i tried to explain to her that i am her step mom and that i want a picture of all of us, but she wants MIL in the picture too. which, is understandable!!! trust me i understand. i would love to have a picture of me my husband and son. thats my family. maybe i am wrong for feeling that way and u can slash out at me for it. but, i'm sorry its the truth. i feel sorry for her i dont need anyone telling me that. but my son is also in this as well. yes, my son means more to me than she does, he's my son. and if your a step parent in my situation, you might feel the same way. you might. I'm sorry if i ofended anyone!
    meganmyers21

    Answer by meganmyers21 at 12:46 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • So you want a separate picture because you dont really see her as your family. You shouldnt be apologizing to people on here..you should be sorry for hurting an innocent girl.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • that was uncalled for. i'm asking for advice, not for people to slash out at me.
    meganmyers21

    Answer by meganmyers21 at 2:09 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • It's a sensitive subject. When you accept a man with a child you have to accept that child as part of your family, in all things. I do know because I have a step daughter. No it's not the same as my birth children, but when I married him I accepted her. She is in every family picture before and after the boys.

    peachqpti

    Answer by peachqpti at 3:22 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

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