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2 Bumps

What makes someone else "better" than you?

Why do people have this perception?

Why I ask...I was planning a Christmas party for my employees..1 big party..a private room at a very nice place with outstanding food. When I say nice place I don't mean black tie, my hubby took me there a couple of weeks ago and I wore capris/sandals. It is nice meaning more expensive food/decor and such.

I let everyone know what/when/where. One of the ladies then came to me and asked if I could change the location. Anyhoo after talking to her for a bit I discovered a number of the girls were not comfortable going to this place because it is "nice." I won't go into the conversation more because I do feel it was private. Honestly though, it made me so sad! The people that work for me are wonderful and they deserve a nice meal in a nice place just as much as anyone else.

Why do we do this to ourselves though? Why do we perceive "better".


Asked by yourspecialkid at 11:50 AM on Aug. 6, 2010 in Politics & Current Events

Level 35 (74,634 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • It's a nice thing that your employees can confide in you. But you have to be careful how much you change. Are these just a few employees??? Does the overall majority feel comfortable and looking forward to a party at this location? You may offend others who are looking forward to a nice party. It's sad that their personal struggles are interfering with them enjoying themselves. I think in the era of budget cuts, rollbacks, and financial dismay~ a company that can give bonuses AND a Christmas Party is a WONDERFUL thing.


    Answer by grlygrlz2 at 1:12 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Maybe they have never been to a nice place and had the experience. I have been places with people where I have to explain procedure and protocol and even as to name the dishes and explain that too. Some people have only experienced Olive Garden is as fancy as they have ever been to. That can be overwhelming to folks to know they have to go some place new.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 12:07 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • In general, we are all equal. We are all born with the ability to be equal to anyone else. However it's the choices that we make which dictate whether or not we are. I don't tend to perceive people as "better" but I have been known to view people as "lesser." For example, my SIL, neither she nor her SO have held a job in over 3 years. They live off the government and illegal practices and they are raising their children to think it's okay. They are BOTH drug addicts and they actually complained because she couldn't find a sitter for her 6 DAY old son so that she could go to the bar... Do I see myself as better than them? HELL YES! I work for everything I have and do my best to make the world around me better... They are happy to be seen as white trash... But they CHOSE to earn that title. It doesn't mean they can't come back from it, just that they don't want to...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:59 AM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Uh oh....they think the place is "nice" and THAT makes them uncomfortable???? They have self-esteem issues, it seems. That is so strange. I just don't get that.
    My parents were borderline "poor" and we didn't go to countryclubs or belong to "elite places",etc. BUT Our 50 year class reunion is being held at a Country Club that is so far out of my "income bracket" it is ridiculous. But I am going for sure...I wat to see what a "Country Club" looks like and I want to see my old high school buddies.\
    I hope your employees get over their insecurities and go to yourparty.

    Answer by gertie41 at 12:56 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • People's perceptions are what they are-it's been ingrained in them over a lifetime. Maybe their parents instilled the "we are poor" mentality-when I was growing up, many parents did this, mine included, and we were solidly middle class.


    Growing up poor, I was taught that I was born a Democrat, and would always be a Democrat. In order for me to register as a Republican I had to be "from money." LOL Little did my family know... :o)

    Answer by LoriKeet at 1:49 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I don't think that it is people are better than others. It is more of personal self-confidence. Many people don't know how to go to the "nicer" places. They don't feel comfortable with the expectations of the atmosphere even though they will be fine and do well. They don't feel comfortable "dressing up" because they never do it. That is why you should teach your children the manners and politeness's of "society". Learn how to eat with manners, how to dress for an occasion, and how to move comfortably in a setting that doesn't allow peanut shells on the floor. It is unfortunate that we don't make sure we and our children can go anywhere and be able to fit in without breaking a sweat.

    Answer by jesse123456 at 1:52 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • When you've been discriminated against you can develop a complex...I guess people treat me this way because i am trailer trash.

    Answer by UpSheRises at 11:54 AM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I dont consider a situation like that would make me feel less than. I dont eat at certain places that make hubby and i feel uncomfy or stared at!! and that happens ALOT!

    I would make the coment better than me if someone seems to have more patience, or would handle a situation in a way that would get better results, maybe if they had a better way to get their point across, or stuck to what they believe and didnt fold! I say your better than me at work to one of my co-workers alot. Shes almost old enough to be my mom, and shes wise. Love her to death. I dont ever feel LESS than, but i do tell her shes BETTER! IDK for me theres a difference!

    Maybe you should tell your co-workers how you feel, that they deserve it, they dont haveto dress up, its supposed to be a partty. However if there are quite a few people that feel that way, maybe it would be easier to just change the venue!? GL with that!

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 11:55 AM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Honestly, you should give them a nice bonus and call it the day. Being you said they are good workers, and save the money...

    They should appreciate it, not ask for it to be somewhere else, this is my opinion

    Be greatful for what you have, and don't ask for more. :) Work for more....

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:55 AM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Insecurities and the feeling of not knowing how you're expected to behave, and fearing you'll screw it up and be permanently embarrassed.

    A 'cure' for it might be to bring in an etiquette expert to run a series of 'how to behave in *nice* places' lectures over lunches a few Mondays in a row... you could start it with some premise of 'business etiquette in the Global economy' or something like that, and end up talking about formal events and behavior... and *then* suggest to them all that they'll have a great chance to 'perform' their new skills and knowledge at the party you're planning.

    Answer by LindaClement at 11:58 AM on Aug. 6, 2010