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My dh once lied to me.

He told me that he was inviting a guy over for a few hours, and I found out later it was a girl. He said he didn't know how I'd react to him having a female friend, so he was afraid to tell me. He eventually did tell me, but it was like two weeks after the fact. She came over because she was supposed to give him music from her IPod... apparently neither one of them knew that you can't transfer songs from an IPod, so she ended up staying for two hours.
He's working late tonight, then he told me he has a thing to go to after work (his boss paid for him already, so he can't refuse) so he's not sure what time he'll be home. Why is it that it's been 2.5 years since he last lied to me.. and I still can't trust that he's being honest?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Aug. 6, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • My husband lied to me 6 years ago, and twice in the last year. I cant hardly trust a word he says sometimes, very sad! Us women never forget a lie, but do try to put it in the past and don't assume or blame unless you have proof. Sorry hun.
    Fairy_Wings

    Answer by Fairy_Wings at 12:59 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Lies are hard to forget. It's not unusual that you feel that way at all.
    jessicarae787

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 12:58 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • i wouldnt trust him either. that whole last situation sounds quite shady. he probably had sex with that girl & who knows what the hell hes doing tonight. sorry but i hate liars.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 1:02 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • my hubby lied to me like 2 years ago and i know he has changed he doesnt go out anymore alone like before and his always including me on everything he does but i still have that in the back of my head and everytime he goes out ( usually takes one of the kids) i always end up mad at him 4 no reason i get mad at myself but i dont know why i feel this. but no decided to go to counceling were both going so hopefully that helps its hard i think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel because that can bring more problems in the long run
    Alejandra10

    Answer by Alejandra10 at 1:04 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • i would tell him how you feel..you have every right to feel that way and you need to let him know if he can't be honest with you then you deserve better. ugh men make me so mad!! maybe you should get a male friend haha, jk
    AlexxasMama

    Answer by AlexxasMama at 1:05 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Yeah get a male friend. Then when the tables are turned maybe he will appreciate the whole package better. Just don't act mad in front of him without proof.
    mamacita69930

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 1:09 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Honestly, being that he has lied to you before, if it were me, my first question would have been if you have to go to this thing AFTER work why wasn't I invited? And why am I just hearing about it now, when the thing is tonight?
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 1:10 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I catch my S/O in little lies sometimes.When I call him on it,his standard answer is "I didn't lie to you".Which really upsets me because I feel that he's insulting my intelligence.But it's never been about another women tho.So,every so often I'll ask him if there is something about me that makes him feel like he has to lie to me.I believe their are 2 things that you must have in a relationship.Communication & trust.You can't have a healthy relationship if you don't have these.Ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship that has no trust or honesty.Or ,do you want to be in a healthy relationship that has trust and communication.& if you really want this relationship,ask him to go to therapy.And if he doesn't want to go, than you go.Good luck.I hope this has helped.
    bvannkissy

    Answer by bvannkissy at 1:27 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Because you lie, too.

    People who lie find it hard to trust people, before and after they know for sure they've been lied to. Because they understand the temptation to lie and don't know how to resist it, so they expect others to know no more than they do.

    People who do not lie don't have trouble trusting people, even people who have lied to them, because they expect the truth, and accept it without having a big hairy fit, even when they don't like it. They forgive more easily, because they understand the temptation to lie and how hard it is to resist.

    Failing to mention something is a lie. Supplying part of the information is a lie. Spinning the tale so it sounds better is a lie. Justifying why lying is fine is a lie.

    One of the uncomfortable personal discoveries I've made in life is that when I'm obsessed with something or all wrapped up in it, it's because I'm lying to myself about how similar it is to my behavior.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:41 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Thanks for you help ladies. He had known this girl for three months, we were living apart (I was in college) and he had completely left out that he was taking her after work to her car (she had an DUI and couldn't drive on base, they're both military). He completely didn't tell me that she came over to our house. And one night he went to a running group with her (they rode in the same car) and they went out to eat after with a group of people and he paid for her meal (he claims she forgot her wallet). She was married, but seperated at the time, and Dh claims that nothing ever happened, they just talked. I don't know if I believe him still. And that stuff about me lying. Nope. Never. I'm the most honest person I know. It literally crushed me when he told me that he'd been lying. Probably because he brought up multiple female friends that he'd had in the past (most of which were in a class or two in high school).
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:46 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

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