Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Should I say something??

Most of my family lives about 2 hrs away and every time some one's kid has a birthday (all our neices and nephews are under 12) my husband and I always pack up our 4 under 5yr old and drive two hours for the parties. However, every time one of my children have a birthday, no one ever comes up. I don't do big parties every year. 1st birthday we do big and then when my son turned 5 we made a big deal about it because he's starting school this year, and my daughter is turning 4 in a week( her party is sunday) and we wanted to make a big deal about hers because she's been so bummed about not getting to go to school. (She and her brother are uniquely close!) So far only my mom and sister are coming. There are 4 other households that have been invited and "don't know yet". I want to say something because I know it's not an issue of gas money, or having to work... and we always go to everyone else's parties. Should I bring it up?

Answer Question

Asked by KariLyn84 at 1:43 PM on Aug. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,371 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • that's how it seems with us - we always make the effort for things for the sake of this kids and we get the same treatment in return. We have decided to stop making ALL the effort and put some responsiblity for that on the other sides of the family that aren't making the effort - putting some blame on why is it so hard for them.. haven't had to try it yet but that's the plan

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 1:46 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I understand your frustration. My family is the same way. Growing up we went to all my cousins events...birthday parties, graduations, etc. but when it came time for OUR stuff, they were never there. It is very rude, especially when you don't have a legitimate reason for not coming. I also think its important to go to someone's party or whatever, especially if they came to yours. As far as saying something goes, I guess it just depends on the relationship you have with your family and if you are comfortable and close enough with them, to say something without causing a huge fight. I would though. But that's me.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 1:47 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • If you feel it's worth the conflict, yes. If you think being upfront will convince them, yes. It may be embarrassing and hey may just lie about why they can't go so they don't seem rude. I see why you're upset though.

    Answer by jus1jess at 1:48 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • If it were me, and it has been but with visiting in general, I'd just tone the traveling for parties way down. Some relatives of our don't want to come see us, we get to drive anywhere from one to 12 hours and they return the favor less than half of the time. We started just not going to see them very much. When they asked then we said that we noticed we were the only ones who put in any real time traveling, with two very small children, and that we weren't doing that so much anymore. Then things started to even out. You might try that.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 1:50 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I understand the frustration, but I don't see a benefit to bringing it up. You're upset because they don't reciprocate. You can't control someone else's choices. You can only control your own. You might want to consider not making those drives for their children's events if they can't see fit to do the same.

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 1:51 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I think u should say something. If you and your family go out of your way to go to your nieces and nephew to the their birthday parties. They should be able to make their way to your son and daughter birthday party too. My son and I r moving to Auburn New York soon and when he has birthday party next year we will be in New York so if my mom or anyone else that I do invite wants to come to celebrate I would hope they make the effort to come visit us in New York and celebrate his birthday with us. I see it as a two way street here if we go to birthday party that is 2hrs away I would hope that my guess or friends or family member would make the effort as well too.

    Answer by andmaef28 at 1:58 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I wouldnt say anything. If you enjoy going to the other kids birthday parties then keep going but otherwise just dont go to them. I am in a particularly cynical mood today but I have just decided that you really cant count on people so in order not to be continously disappointed I dont expect anything from anyone. That may be what you need to do with this situation.

    I am NOT trying to be rude, if it comes across that way I do apologize.

    Answer by suark at 2:03 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I understand how you feel. I am in that situation with one of my friends. Its been going on for years. I finally am just fed up with it. and I told her how I felt about it. So, she gave me a bunch of excuses..blah blah blah..She invited me to her dh's daughters going away party for tonight (she is going back to California with her mom for the school year)..I told her good because were having MY dh's sons going away party this Sunday(he's going off to college). She says she dont know if she'll make it. She text me this mornign if I was coming tonight..I said probably not. I'm not going. Why should I? I have other stuff to do and normally I would have put it off and rearranged my whole schedule to be able to go..but not this time, I'm done.
    I have felt bad for forever about thinking about doing that to her, but you know what? I dont even care anymore.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 2:05 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • This is the same thing with my dad's side of the family--Except they ALL live within 5 miles!!!!!!!!!! My mom said something, they all FREAKED. OUT. Like, Level 5 temper-tantrums. And now there's more tension at parties (theirs, because now they ABSOLUTELY do NOT come to ours) and while they're all happy-fun-times to my mom's face, it is PLAINLY obviously they don't like her.

    Answer by Live4HerSmile at 2:10 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • You should say something about it because for some people birthday parties are not a big deal. If it means a lot to you to share these events with your family let them know. I go through the same thing with my friends and family. They only live 40mins away.

    Answer by Cassandre at 2:19 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.