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I am very sad :( Why is this adoption journey so hard? It is a emotional rollercoaster.

We are in the adoption process and have been for almost two years. I keep getting told to not to let everyday dissappoinments get me down but is that REALLY possible?? When everyday i see more and more infants.... and it keeps making me sadder and sadder :(

my favorite saying is " it will happen in God's time" and when exactly is that?

I am in need of some advice from you that has been in my shoes and made it thru......


Asked by waitingmomtobe at 2:00 PM on Oct. 5, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (24)
  • My favorite saying is If God can bring you to it, He will bring you through it. I am sending you a message...Don't ever give up and keep God close, believe me I know your pain. I finally was blessed by adoption. My advice trust in God and many, many prayers!

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 4:22 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • It WILL happen in God's time....he has a child for you, you just have to be patient and wait for him/her to come to you. I know from the time I was 18 that I couldn't have kids, but at the time it didn't bother me. Once I got engaged and married, it really hit home that it would probably be a long wait for a child, and I kept wondering WHY can I not have kids? What is God's plan here? Well, 22 days before my 30th bday, we were blessed with a baby girl. And five months later, blessed again with another baby girl! It is a VERY long and emotional journey to go on...just remember that it will happen when the time is right. God is the only one who knows when that is, so keep praying and it will happen for you.

    Answer by LizClara at 3:19 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Who are you going through with your adoption? An agency? Attorney? Foster Care? Are you trying to adopt a newborn or an older child?

    When we started the adoption process back in July 2005, we were told that the pickier you are, the longer you will wait. Basically meaning if you want a white girl with blond hair and blue eyes, you will have a much longer wait than if you "just" want a white baby...which, you will have a longer wait than if you "just" want a baby no matter white, black, Hispanic, etc. You will also have to wait longer the more closed you are with your adoption. If you are willing for more openness (and obviously willing to stick to it for the next 18 years), then you should consider that.


    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 5:32 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • The longest perspective adoptive parents waited for a newborn through our agency was 1 year 7 months...and they were extremely picky and wanted a closed adoption. Maybe consider changing your agency/attorney?

    I say this instead of just saying you will get a child when God wants you to because I'm sure you've heard that many times. When I would get discouraged, I wanted people to help me in getting things to move a little faster, so that's what I'm trying to do for you.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 5:32 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • i'm a birthmom and i gave my 2nd born up for adoption in july... i found the family who adopted ryan thru they are wonderful... try talking with them... everyone there would be more than willing to help you out... i hope everything works out soon for you... i wont say everything will help in God's timing since you must hear it alot..... so i'll tell you this *everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, then its not the end*

    Answer by mfialdrdickhaus at 10:53 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Adoption is such an emotional rollercoaster... and it seems like most of it are low points, until you get that call... I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Its tough that Gods time isnt always our time. I felt the exact same way when we were getting ready to adopt... it just seemed like I was getting nowhere. 2 years is awhile though... how hard. Who are you adopting through? Have you looked into any other options? Let me know... hopefully I can be of assistance to you.

    Answer by adoptivemommy24 at 10:56 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • try being a birthmother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • We have adopted 8 children from foster care and will adopt 2 more soon. Mine didn't come as newborns, but I will have adopted 10 children in a little over 8 years. There is also no cost. Many children are waiting and they would love to have an adoring mommy. I will be praying for your journey and your child/children. Adoption Beauty Marked is a wonderful group here on Cafemom with mom's from all sides of adoption and in all stages. You could get some real support there if you would like to do so!

    Answer by mommy9 at 12:17 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • Anonymous 11:09 pm -- try being an adoptive mother. Fine, birthmoms have it rough. Birthmoms go through withdrawal and heartache and whatnot. We all know that. Maybe you should try accepting that adoptive mothers have it rough also. Maybe not the same way, but it doesn't and shouldn't ever belittle what adoptive mothers go through.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • I HAVE and NEVER WILL make it out to say that my situation is worse than of that of a birthmoms . But we defenientely have heartaches, too. I am unable to bore a child from my body and the fertitilty test do a number on ones body and mind too. What sort of women am I that can not even have children............ So I guess what I am truing to say is to have an open minda and realize that we on both sides of the adoption process have heartache and sorrow.
    The adoption agencies in our area seems to be overwelmed with applications. I know one of my friends that gave up her child four years ago said she looked thru 200 potential adoptive parents. We did not care for those odds so we chose to go thru a facilator. We know we are in the right place with this company but it just is so emotional.
    I was just asking for some knowledge not judgement

    Answer by waitingmomtobe at 6:40 PM on Oct. 6, 2008