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2nd part to Birthmom question

Many of you asked why allowing the birthmom to choose the parent made me feel uncomfortable. First I'd like to thank all participants. Also thank you for not putting me down. Did anyone feel this way?

I felt uncomfortable because I notice most kids aren't adopted until they are much older..2yrs. old. I really wanted an infant. I have my own birth kids, but wanted to adopt instead of having another one. I hate to sound like a broken record but there are truly an enormous waiting list for potential adopted parents. I'm not sure why, but that sounds as if someone is beign too picky about an adopted parent. Yes, this is a very important decision. I'm not suggestion that you should allow your child to go to anyone, but I believe the waiting periods can be shorten by all involved and give a child a loving home asap! The longer it took for birthmoms to nick pick me the more discouraged I became.


Asked by Godswk at 8:24 PM on Aug. 6, 2010 in Adoption

Level 9 (282 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Where are you getting your information?In voluntary relinquishment ,DIA , not due to abuse ,neglect ,etc. without any CPS type involvement the ages tend to be infant range. Outside of a family placement in a forced relinquishment seldom do parents losing custody get to quiz and pick potential adoptive parents .


    Answer by drfink at 9:28 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Being too picky? How can a mother be too picky about who raises her child? Would you be picky about who raised one of your children?

    Don't confuse children in foster care due to abuse or neglect with voluntary relinquishment. The situations are very different. If a mother's rights are taken away from her, I don't know that she should or does have much control over who raises her child. Maybe some moms who have adopted with that type of situation can enlighten us.

    As for waiting periods, waiting periods differ from state to state. Not sure exactly what you mean by waiting periods. Do you mean how long it takes to finalize an adoption? Or, how long before a child before a child is foster care is deemed adoptable? Are you taking about expectant moms who nit-picked you or birth moms whose children were in foster care?

    A birth mom is a mom who has already relinquished her rights to her child.


    Answer by Southernroots at 9:44 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • An expectant mom or a new mom considering adoption is NOT a birth mom. Not she relinquishes her rights legally does she become a birth mom.

    You want an infant, right? Some might say YOU are being too picky. Wanting only an infant puts you in competition with a much larger pool of paps, many of whom are unable to give birth. The competition for newborns is fierce. Just ask any of the expectant moms who post in these groups. They are often besieged by people wanting their babies.

    Maybe we are not understanding you clearly, maybe you are talking about foster care adoptions? It is important to distinguish between DIA and foster care adoptions.

    Answer by Southernroots at 9:55 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I'm also curious which route you were looking into. Like PP said, in domestic infant adoption, it's usually newborns. In foster-adopt it's more unusual to adopt an infant, but it does happen. I know that in one of my previous answers I mentioned that it took two years on a waiting list each time we adopted. I might not have been very clear in what I said. Our profiles were on file and available for women to look at, and it took about two years for us to be the ones who were chosen. Our oldest came home from the hospital with us, and our youngest was 4 weeks old. Both women who chose us made up their minds on us immediately. One was talked into looking at other profiles and still chose us, the other didn't even want to see any other profiles. They had pretty much made up their minds before they met us. You can PM me if you want for more info.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:37 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Maybe the reason there are so many pap's waiting to adopt is there are fewer and fewer infants available to adopt and not that expectant women are too picky.

    Answer by miriamz at 11:00 PM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • as an adopted child i think that adopted parents should be less picky too. i know that sounds like I'm putting you down but think of it from our point of view. when you hit the age of 2 your chances of getting adopted drop almost off the board hell when we hit 1 they all but fall right out the window i was lucky and i was adopted 2 months from my 2nd birthday, but for the next 2 years i could have been removed from my parents house. so set your heart on a child to love no an age. if you want to adopted a child sooner try a foster child, or an older child. there love is no more real than that of an infinite some times its more kuse they have more of a reason to love you. if i wouldn't have had the bad birth parents i had i would never have loved my adopted family as much. but in the end it really is up to you.

    Answer by Manda_Evans at 12:14 AM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • I just can't understand how you can no so little about adoption, the adoption process and the lifelong emotions attached to it.

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:59 PM on Aug. 9, 2010

  • Wow! Well, being both an adoptee and adoptiv parent I see both sides. Of course you would want the best parents for your child. This said i was adopted i the era where birth parents had NO choice. It was 1st come 1st serve as to whom took the baby home. I ended up with the most AMAZING parents and wouldn't/couldnt imagine life any other way. My hubby and I tried for 10 years and had no success in a baby so we adopted the most amazing little guy. He is 2 1/2 now but we brought him home @ a week. We were chosen very quickly (9 months) but allot of that had to do with the fact that I am also adopted. We were told the 2nd is MUCH longer. That is definately true. it is bcause the birth parents want their kids to be the one and only with no siblings. I am mixed about this. I can understand there feelings in one way but it blows my mind that they wouldn't want their child to grow up with a sibling.

    Answer by coolchic320 at 7:13 PM on Aug. 12, 2010

  • I know moms want the best for their children, that is not the debate moms. Thanks for all your input. If most of you could try to understand without getting upset you may have been able to help answer my question. Thanks moms for trying.

    Comment by Godswk (original poster) at 9:14 PM on Aug. 15, 2010