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2 Bumps

WHY I STILL CAN'T GET OVER HUSBAND CHEATING ON ME/ AND IT'S BEEN ALMOST 7 MONTHS NOW

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VIRGA_KEMP

Asked by VIRGA_KEMP at 9:42 PM on Aug. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (118 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • I would never get over someone cheating. Maybe you won't either. If you really want to try you should get some counseling.
    fairyinabubble

    Answer by fairyinabubble at 9:47 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I doubt I'd ever get over something like that. I have no advise for you.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:49 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • It takes a very long time to get over this. My ex cheated on me, and I still have my days where I feel insecure, violated, and betrayed. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it takes time. What helped me was going to therapy, alone and for a while, he and I went together. I spent a lot of time with my friends and family. I also got back into church. I read a lot of books and wrote in a journal A LOT. I finally just had to decide that I was done letting it control my life. I hope you start feeling better. PM me if you want someone to talk to!
    mpm915

    Answer by mpm915 at 9:50 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Tell the truth and shame the devil you are mad and until you talk about it or say what you need to say its not just going to go away you need to keep talking to your husband and keep talking to him until you feel better. I would also start to feel around for something for yourself and also maybe take sometime to feel what you have to maybe get someone to talk to and time to figure out what you need! GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:51 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Well it may take longer. Even if your ready to move on the thing is our emotions rule this part. Allow your self to grieve the loss of your "perfect" marriage.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:51 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I don't think you can put a time limit on a healing heart. 7 months in the scheme of things isn't really that long. Don't put pressure on yourself to forgive in a specific amount of time. Just worry about putting the work into your relationship and go easy on yourself. It could very well take years or even decades to really come to terms with it. True forgiveness happens every day, not in just one moment and then you're over it. It's just like atonement in that way, it takes time, strength, love, and patience.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:51 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • its hard, my hubby cheated in feb of this year and i still have problems trusting him. i want to but i cant, at least not like i used to, but im better about it now than i was a few months ago. i still question about new contacts in his cell or new friends on FB, and if i feel like he isnt giving me a straight answer i will call the contact or add the friend and talk to them. he does get upset but i remind him that his sense of privacy went out the window when he slept with that skanky slut from his job.
    i just focus on the good stuff and remind myself that everyone screws up at one point in time, but even then i know things will never be like it was. i takin it one day at a time and if come next summer, when i finish school, i feel like i still cant trust him more than i do now then im leaving, its too emotionally taxing to be wondering what he is up to or if he is hiding something.
    good luck
    gothmama91

    Answer by gothmama91 at 9:58 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • You focus on the difficulties in your marriage that were present at the time he cheated and work on fixing those to strengthen your relationship. You accept that the cheating wasn't about YOU as much as it was about HIM. Talk to someone else like a counselor and know your feelings are valid and trust doesn't come back right away but if you choose to stay together you have to choose to move on from this day forward. You don't have to forgive him, but you have to try to forget -- it was will drive you nuts otherwise. I read somewhere that marriages that stay together after cheating are happier and stronger than before in the long run because the cheating coming to light brings out the problems there that may have led to it happening in the first place. Keep your chin up and know that you two have committed to staying together. That means more than whatever else happened. Best of luck!
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 10:16 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I don't care what anybody say u never get over it.
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 10:30 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • Every time you think of it you are giving control of your life to the other woman. Try behavior modification. Every time the thought tries to come up you stop that thought and think of a positive thought like dad and the kids laughing together. You have to change your thoughts and yes you can do it. Now take the power over your life away from the other woman and give it back to your dh and kids.Quit cheating them out of mom giving them attention and love.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:31 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

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