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How do I support something I don't want?

My youngest son,Jerrad, wants to join the service.He is 26 and is on unemployment.I'm trying so haerd to talk him out of it.His oldest brother was killed in January & I'm just barely holding on some days.If something was to happen to him,there is NO way I could survive that.He keeps saying "mom,nothing is going to happen to me".How do I get the idea out of his head?


Asked by bvannkissy at 10:03 PM on Aug. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (14)
  • I would sit him down at the kitchen table alone and say "If you want to serve your country, go mow the goddamn lawn, then get off your lazy ass and try as hard as you can to get a job and get off the unemployment, and dont come home until you have a job, and dont forget to take out the want a drill sargeant, you got one, I'll make the US Army look like a bunch of pansies if you'd like" Then I would calmly suggest that he go to college, and if he needs help I'll be there. If that fails, I would def lock him in the basement and keep him lol

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 11:02 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • No matter how hard you push once they have something in their head you are not going to get i t out. I really think that your best line of action is learn to support him and lead him into a branch that you would feel might be safer. Navy, Air Force, they can be dangerous but he is much less likely to be hurt in one of those two.

    Answer by Melbornj at 10:07 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I'm so sorry, but you don't. He's an adult. He needs your support, no matter how hard it is for you. I would try to make sure his motives are true, and his reasoning is sound, but otherwise, not much else can be done.

    I'm sorry you've lost a son, and I'm sorry this is such a struggle for you. Sometimes being Mom is just so hard, isn't it? ((hugs))

    Answer by Sonnut at 10:09 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • just know that life is unpredictable in the service or otherwise. and i know that most of your fears and anxiety are from the loss of a child already. if it is something he truly wants to do then try to be proud of him. we have many heroes in this world that are often forgotten have two heroes in your family. don't hesitate to let him know how you husband is a police officer, so i know the daily fear you have. all you can do is take one day at a time, one minute at a time, and only worry or be upset when truly given a reason to. live your life.

    Answer by xtwilightx at 10:11 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • aww, momma my heart goes out to you. it must be so hard and i'm sure you feel like if you give him your blessing you're sending him off to the same fate as his brother. i know it's hard, but he's an adult and he's probably already made up his mind about it. so figure he's going to do it with you or without you.... i'm sure you would rather be with him and give him your love the whole way. of course you can make it clear to him your fears and reasoning as to why you don't agree with his thinking, but you can also say you support him bc he's your son and you love him. and thank you so much for your son's sacrifice.... believe it or not there are still people who love our soldiers


    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:13 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • You can't live his life. Let him go with love. He was put here to experience life as he so desires. Give him guidance but place no judgment on him. I understand your struggles and I am sorry for you lost. But the bottom line is that it is his choice and he would be better if you supported him in the long run.

    Answer by pvtjokerus at 10:16 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I agree with Melbornj - I would try to talk him into the Navy or Air Force. My husband and I were both in the Navy and we never felt like our lives were in danger. We both went on two deployments and I can only think of one person that died. And that guy died in a hotel room in Thailand from a cocaine overdose.

    Answer by Christina807 at 11:05 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I am so sorry for your loss.
    You can't really expect him to what you want at 26 though you can tell him exactly how you feel and ask him to consider your feelings. Then whatever he decideds then just continue to love and support him. God Bless

    Answer by momthruivf at 11:16 PM on Aug. 6, 2010

  • I am sorry for your loss. You really can't stop him, he is a 26 yr old adult. You can tell him your feelings and fears, but then you have to let him go his own way. Be there to support him and love him. Are you in counseling? It may help. Also, jobs are still very few and far between

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:53 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • He is an adult and it is his decision. Did he look up to his brother? Just remember, even though your other son was killed, to our country he is still a hero. Maybe he feels it will understand him better. Don't assume the worst, it wouldn't be fair to him. Not to mention, if you keep thinking this it will drive you crazy. Don't let it, but it is okay to grieve and you are probably still mourning.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:25 AM on Aug. 7, 2010