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3 Bumps

How important do you think sex is in a relationship? adult content

My friend told me that her and her husband has only had sex 10 times in the last 3 years. It's NOT okay with her - she wants to do it more, he doesn't. She knows he's not cheating but he doesn't ever want to. Anytime they do it, she says its not enjoyable because she thinks he doesn't want to do it. It's causing a lot of problems in their relationship. She said she feels stupid to leave him over something like sex but I told her that sex is one of the most important things in a relationship. It's the closest you can ever be with someone (besides your child - because duh, you're child is inside you as well). She said they live like roommates and that she cries every day. But she said she feels like SEX isn't a legitmate reason to leave someone.

Do you agree or disagree?

 
Blubuni99

Asked by Blubuni99 at 12:08 AM on Aug. 7, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,562 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Dr. Phil said it best:
    If its going bad its 90% of your relationship. If its good then its 10% of your relationship!
    Exact Quote:
    "Sex might not be everything but it registers higher (90 percent) on the "importance scale" if it's a source of frustration in your relationship. If your sex life is unfulfilled, it becomes a gigantic issue. On the other hand, couples that have satisfying sex lives rate sex at only 10 percent on the "importance scale."
    MommaTasha1003

    Answer by MommaTasha1003 at 12:36 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • I agree you can work on the sex in the marriage not a reason to live. But I can see how it would make someone feel unwanted, she needs to talk to him about it and see how they can make it more enjoyable. Goodness tell her to take charge and control the situation.
    Claudiomom

    Answer by Claudiomom at 12:13 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Sounds like my marriage. She needs to tell him how important it is to her. In my case when i do this it is only better for a few weeks and then tapers off again so it's a conversation that has to keep happening. I dont think sex is a bad reason to leave someone because it IS important, but so is stability for your kids, if your DH is a good father, a good provider, that you two are friends and taking into consideration if he is under a great deal of stress and this is maybe a blip that won't be a big deal in the long run. Crying every day sounds like more than a blip though and she really needs to let him know how unhappy he is. He should make more of an effort to make her feel watned, maybe he doesn't know how much this affects her.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 12:23 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • I think it depends on the relationship if they have tried to work at it and has not got better I think it would be alright to leave cause she needs to be happy and needed! But they should to try and fix it before she walks out on there marriage!
    anfisasmommy

    Answer by anfisasmommy at 12:28 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • I don't think it's the ONLY important thing in a marriage, but I think it IS one of the important parts of a marriage. Now, if there's a reason for it (say, the person has a severe medical problem that means they can't have sex - like dying of cancer or something, or like what has frequently been the case in my marriage, one of the people is deployed so having sex with each other is physically impossible), then I think that you should sort of "set that urge aside" and focus on other parts of your marriage / relationship.

    BUT - to just not have sex because you just don't want to be with your partner, then honestly, yes, I think that's a big problem. Sex is a way to connect, not just physically but emotionally with your spouse, and to withhold sex is almost always a sign of big problems in other parts of the relationship, and it needs to be addressed somehow.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:28 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • cont

    Now, he could have a medical problem that they don't know about that could cause this. But obviously this is an issue for her, and, frankly, he obviously doesn't care enough about her feelings in the fact that is is a problem to her or he wouldn't be saying it's not a problem.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with her saying that she loves him, but that this is unacceptable, and so, as a gesture of love towards her, she would like him to go to the Dr and discuss it and see if there's a medical problem. If not, then she would like it if he would go to counseling with her so that they can work together towards a middle ground that they're both happy with.

    If he's not willing to do these things, then, frankly, lack of sex is the least of her marriage problems :-(
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:31 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • If there aren't kids involved, I would leave.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 12:31 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Unless is absolutely incapable of getting/maintaining an erection, he is getting a sexual release elsewhere. She says she "KNOWS he's not cheating". There are only two ways to absolutely know this: 1) unless he cannot get/maintain an erection or 2) they are together every waking moment of every waking day. He never goes to the grocery store or work or out with friends. If he works, leaves the house, has social outings and is capable of getting an erection, then yes he may be cheating. Or he could have a masterbation and/or porn addiction. Or he could be gay. But every normal guy under the age of 70 desires a sexual release more then an average of 1 time every 3.6 months. He just not getting the sexual release from her.
    karamille

    Answer by karamille at 12:44 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • Whether or not it's a legitimate reason for her or not. I can't say.

    I can say and will say this. For me personally, and in my marriage. Sex is an important part of it. For many reasons. If for some reason, my husband no longer wanted me, desired me, or was no longer interested in the sexual intimacy part of our marriage. And I had shared my unhappiness with it with him, and tried to work it out with him.. And he still wasn't interested. Yes, I would divorce. I want, need, and deserve a husband, a partner. Someone that I share everything with, including my sexuality, including intimacy in life. Not a roommate.

    ((this of course is not included any medical/physical conditions that could impede our sex life))
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:16 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

  • i know that with my ex boyfriend, i stopped having sex with him because i was no longer attracted to him anymore...physically or emotionally. i was no longer interested in him and had been emotionally checked out of the relationship for months, and he cheated on me while refusing to let me break up with him...yeah stupid, i know.

    anyways, i think sex is important of course for pleasure, but more so for the intimacy and closeness you feel for your partner. i think its something that can be fixed and no reason to split.
    mommypeezee

    Answer by mommypeezee at 4:51 AM on Aug. 7, 2010

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