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How would you feel if you found out your DH/SO has a new baby?

You have been married for 12 years and you get an email that says, "I have been seeing your husband for x amount of months. I am pregnant with his child. I found out he was married when I announced my pregnancy to him." She ends it with, "if you have any questions, please call me," and leaves her number. How does this make you feel and how would you react to the news.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:25 PM on Oct. 5, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (23)
  • Oh, my. After picking myself up off the floor I would have to call her first. Then I would talk with my DH to see what his side of the story is. Then I would be adamant about a paternity test when the baby is born.


    That is a very serious and devastating issue.

    Southerncharmes

    Answer by Southerncharmes at 4:28 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I'd be picking up the phone for sure. Then, I'd talk to my DH after. Why? Because I would assume he'd try to cover his tracks and lie. If the email was not threatening, I think she is informing you not trying to get you or hurt you. If she truly didn't know he was married then you can't be angry at her. I would be fact finding and then communicating, and the decision making.  Until you know what is going on it is hard to even think about.  I'm sorry this has happened to you.  I can't imagine it, but you aren't the first woman in this situation nor the last.  It just isn't fair.  Where have ethics gone? 

    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 4:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • i would call her also, but i wouldnt flip on her she said she didnt know her was married or with someone, and she was decent enough to tell you so you KNEW. i think thats awesome she told you damn she has some nerves. SO DOES YOUR SO.... I WOULD LEAVE HIS ASS IN A SECOND BEFORE I WHOOPED IT!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Try not to hate her? I know this sounds dumb.. but she didn't know about you. She's obviously scared and crushed too. I *hate* that women jump each other when the Man is the bastard. I would be hurt beyond words, but SHE didn't hurt you. He did. He hurt both of you. I would be blind with anger and hurt :( I'm sorry you're going through this. The practical side is you have to decide if you're staying married.. obviously you will want a paternity test for the baby. Just to be sure. I would be curious how or why she has your email?
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 4:37 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I'd call her and demand an explanation. She could just be someone messing with you...you'll have to call to find out.

    Then if it turns out to be true, I'd LEAVE his ass if I were you.
    caitxrawks

    Answer by caitxrawks at 4:41 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • Yes I agree with all of the above....it's the husbands fault and you may not think this now but, eventually you will appreciate it that she came foward and told you instead of hiding it for years and never know anything....that would suck....but, I hope the best for you and good luck!!!
    ShastaRiley

    Answer by ShastaRiley at 4:49 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • TALK TO HER. then talk to him before you kick his butt then leave him and help her with what she needs im friends with my husbands ex wife not because i have to be but i want to be i have an 8 year old doughter that is in the middle and its not her falt she prob needs help and gidence seeing dad will not give her any because he is stupid tring to pull this off and if you are going to cheet use a condem at the least i mean come on babys come from SEX people did he not think you were going to find out WOW SORRY YOU HAD TO DO THIS I KNOW ITS HARD
    lovingmomof7

    Answer by lovingmomof7 at 4:50 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • This happens a lot and I know that doesn't make you feel any better but when I got the phone call from a woman saying she just had my husband's baby I asked her where she was. I took all three of my children, picked her and the baby up and went straight to his work. Don't talk to either one of them via email or phone without the other with you. If you can do it face to face with both of them then do that. This man needs to be held accountable for what he's done and the effect it will have on your marriage and finances for the next 18 yrs. If it's true then he's obviously lied to you since he lied to her which is why I say look them both in the eye when you speak to them together. You deserve to know the truth. Let's hope he steps up to the plate and is a man and tells you honestly what's up.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:54 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • I am the one with the baby. She called me a month after I sent the email. She was very polite and understood that I didn't know. I informed her that I had no desire to be with her husband had I known, I would have never even entertained his advances.
    He was a coward and didn't tell her while he was home, since he works away from home making is easier for him to have multiple families. She got the email the morning after he left, he had 8 days to tell her in person. She had to scream at him on the phone. He didn't even tell me, I had to figure it out. Had he been with me when I figured it out, I may be in jail right now.
    She did mention a paternity test when I spoke to her after having the baby. He refused her request and she stopped asking when she saw the baby looked just like him and their other children.
    They are still together to this day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

  • happened to me... but she was faking the pregnancy to see if my DH would stay with her.... i talked with her and she had the fricking nerve to tell me how to deal with a new born baby!! i was pissed... she wanted to meet me and be friends... no way!! i talked to her that was enough she was fricking sobber and too advantage of my husband when he was blacked out drunk... sorry didnt mean for this to be so detailed
    navywifemomkoch

    Answer by navywifemomkoch at 5:06 PM on Oct. 5, 2008

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